tv weekend

I'm not usually all about what's on TV tonight. Mostly, television in my house is background noise while I'm doing something else, and even when I do put the TV on I need to have something to do with my hands. (Thus, the quilting and crocheting and cross stitch and everything).

But! This weekend two of my favourite shows come back from hiatus. Tomorrow we get a long awaited dose of the Doctor and the very teased about search for Clara Oswin Oswald when Doctor Who returns. Seriously I could not be more excited about that. (If I had to choose just one show for the rest of my life it just might be Doctor Who, but that's a hard call.)

Then on Sunday I get a dose of Game of Thrones coming back. Which also means a busy day at work, because everyone needs HBO now. Of course given that I've read the books I already know what happens but they've been telling the story so brilliantly that I can't wait to see how things are portrayed.

What are your favourite shows? Do you get much screen time, or save it for just a few special things?

creamy broccoli & cauliflower bake

If you have read my (somewhat numerous) attempts to master the casserole (although honestly, they're mostly variations of the same) you may stumble across a secret of mine. Broccoli is my favourite food. It's easy to work with, it fits easily into almost anything; you can eat it steamed on its own, raw and dipped in dressing (although ewww), stir fried, tossed in pasta, baked in casseroles and probably about a million other ways. When I was in university a friend made mini stuffed felt plushies of favourite foods for Christmas gifts and was utterly frustrated at trying to make broccoli for me. Apparently making a stuffed roast is much easier.

This green, cruciferous piece of goodness has made its way into pretty much every casserole I've made here. What you don't know is that this is really the dish that started it all. There's simplicity here, nothing but vegetables and sauce, no rice or pasta or anything to round it out. It's almost, almost like macaroni and cheese, but broccoli.

It's also one of my biggest hits. Never have I served this dish and not had rave reviews and requests to repeat it. If I'm doing a roast and having friends over for dinner, this is the side dish (heck, I can make most of it in advance), if I'm having vegetarian friends over for dinner it's not so hard to make this take centre stage. Bunny doesn't even like cauliflower and he goes crazy over this.

As always, make changes to suit your needs. Cheese-wise, I use cheddar as it's what we keep on hand but this would be lovely with a swiss or a gouda. You could use a smaller amount of a stronger cheese or (gasp) even leave the cheese out altogether. I also like to caramelize my onions because, well, flavour. You don't have to though because in this dish they are not the stars.

The other breeze of this dish is the cooking directions. Twenty minutes at 350 yields the best version, but it's flexible. Because the vegetables are parboiled you can pop it in at whatever temperature the other things in your oven are cooking at and adjust the cooking time. I've made this at above 400 for about 10-15 minutes and it's been fine, although if you go any lower than about 300 you'll want to broil it for a few minutes at the end for a nice browned crust.

Broccoli & Cauliflower Bake

Ingredients

• 1 head broccoli, in florets
• 1 head cauliflower, in florets
• sweet onion
• 1 large or 2 medium onions if sauteing
• 2 large or 4 medium onions if caramelizing
• 1 tbsp olive oil (approximately)
• 1 3/4 cups milk
• 3 tbsp butter
• 3 tbsp flour
• 3/4 cups cheddar cheese (optional and open to subsitutions)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1/2 tsp ground pepper
• 1/2 tsp granulated garlic
• 1/2 tsp oregano
• 3/4 cups breadcrumbs

Directions

1. Preheat the oven to 350*F.
2. Bring a large, lightly salted pot of water to boil. Put the broccoli and cauliflower in, reduce to a simmer and cook 2 minutes. Drain the vegetables, and set in your casserole dish.
3. Put a small to medium saute pan over medium low heat, add the olive oil. When hot add the onions to the pan. Saute until translucent, about 5 minutes.
1. Optional: Continue to saute until browned or even caramelized. Yum.
4. Put the onions on the broccoli and cauliflower in the saute dish.
5. In a saucepan over medium heat melt your butter. Add the flour, wisk to combine and cook about 3 minutes until bubbling and just begining to change colours. You want the floury flavour to cook off here.
6. When bubbling, add the milk and continue to wisk. Cook, stirring occasionally until thickened enough to cover the back of a spoon. Add your salt, pepper, garlic and oregano.
7. Remove from heat and stir in your cheese. 
8. Pour your sauce over the casserole dish. Make sure things are evenly mixed.
9. Sprinkle breadcrumbs overtop.
10. Pop in the oven for about 20-25 minutes, until the breadcrumbs turn a golden brown.
11. Enjoy!

fun money

Finances have been a mixed bag lately. Bunny and I have been working hard on getting on the same page and there have been a lot of very positive improvements to out budget. I'm loosening up a little to allow some extra expenses and he's tightening up his non-allowance expenses. We're getting on the same page, even with the frustrations and the setbacks and it feels good. It's a work in progress, and there are constantly new balls to juggle.

Watching Bunny figure out his allowance money is exciting. It's opened a lot of doors for him in some ways, but at the same time keeps our budget on an even keel with expenses. He's taken off on a run with his model cars and motorcycle hobby and a lot of the money is being socked away towards that lately. He's also talking about spending some on things for his bike (which is currently more toy than transportation). Even his annual men's camping weekend will be coming out of this portion of the budget.

My fun money is a little more in flux right now. It's kind of been piling up and I don't necessarily have anything I want to spend it on. Oh, I buy quilt supplies and fabrics from it when the need arises, and I buy a book every couple of weeks. There's also my fancy coffee habit, and I buy a fancy coffee at least once a week. (It's a terrible, luxurious indulgence and I love it and feel absolutely no guilt about it.) I've got a lot of fun money left over at the end of each pay period though, and I'm at a loss as to what to do with it.

I don't want to blow it all on a fancy purse or shoes (maybe because there's nothing that excites me there?) and all the practical things I could spend it on have been very clearly pointed out to me as budget expenses, not fun money. But why would I spend money from the rest of our budget on a haircut when I have spending money?

In Toronto it would have been a lot easier to make up my mind, but I don't want to be making excuses. I need to figure this out. Is there a class I want to take? Do I want to pay for a joint vacation on my own? Go to some shows in the city? Do I want to invest in some dividend paying stocks? (That idea really interests me, to be honest. The money is just sitting there and I could use it to make more money.) It's at the point where it's a large amount of money but not a huge amount of money. It's not quite enough for any of the big ideas but it's still big enough to need some thought.

What are your favourite splurges? What special expenses do you save your pennies for?

when the clouds come

Earlier this month I did something I would have sworn would never happen. I ran away from an infant. Instead of cooing over his little cubby thighs and adorable little cheeks then looking at Bunny and telling him it made my ovaries hurt, I took one look realized I wasn't ok and left the room.

I'm a little embarrassed about my behaviour, actually. Walking out of a room full of members of the my extended family in law without so much as a goodbye or a by your leave is not my usual style, and though I can be moody and annoyed and need lots of down time I will push my way through most social situations that are important to friends or family.

Seeing a brand new baby right exactly when I would have become a mother was a little bit more than I could handle, though. I went to the bathroom to try to get myself together, and that didn't work. Then I just walked out the front door because I didn't want to cry in front of everyone. Never in my life have I ran from a baby crying instead of being inclined to just snuggle and coo. Instead of wanting to hold the baby and be in awe over his little bitty human being-ness (because how much of a miracle is that, people coming so small?) I ran away crying. Later that night I made Bunny take me out for Thai, because I needed something happy and Sambal noodles with cashew chicken and tom yum soup sounded like it would make me feel better. (It did. I shouldn't comfort myself with food, but when it's that good, who cares?)

The bad moments come out of nowhere. It's like a storm that breaks out midway through a bright sunny day, shattering what was previously going beautifully. When things are going worse the dreary atmosphere sticks around for awhile, lingering and leaving me feeling empty and drained. On a good day the storm clears as quickly as it comes, and going out for a fancy coffee allows me the space to calm down.

Somehow, reading a book that talked about miscarriage helped carry me through. When I came to the first suggestion of miscarriage I was tempted to put it down but instead found myself devouring it.

It's hard to talk about without making it seem like I'm dwelling. Because I'm not, really, I promise. More often than not it doesn't take up a lot of mental or emotional space in me, but the moments that it does are overwhelming. Then just as quickly they are gone and I'm back to myself. It's odd how out of nowhere the world is a black and stormy place and the loss feels brand new again, walking out of the hospital parking lot with the world falling down around me. Minutes or hours later the intensity is nothing but a memory with that not-quite-real quality that any intense emotional experience takes on after the fact.

pecan blondies

Every cook or baker has recipes that are begged for, I think. Blondies are one of mine, to the point that I can't remember the last time I visited the in laws and was not asked about these babies.

This version, flavoured with molasses and pecans, isn't necessarily superior to the Bailey's and browned sugar ones I love so much, but they are a great alternative. They were born out of a sad necessity when I noted my kitchen was out of brown sugar, a key ingredient and that (gasp) I didn't have butter on hand, only margarine. (I'd used the last of the butter earlier in crepes, so I couldn't complain.) Without the caramelized flavours of brown sugar and browned butter I needed some other points of interest. Molasses makes these almost gingerbread-like and the pecans add a touch of crunch. The only other major addition is a touch of extra flour, to compensate for the moisture brought by the molasses.

These would be a well placed recipe near the Christmas season with the slight gingerbread-esque edge the molasses gives to the recipe. If you wanted to play that up, the addition of some cinnamon, nutmeg or clove would certainly help though it's not necessary. The other big difference in the finished product is the texture, which can be more like a fudgy brownie (with a lower cooking time) or more cookie like (with a higher cooking time).

Bake with caution, because these will be a repeat request.

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 cup sugar
• 3 tbsp fancy molasses
• 1 cup butter or margarine
• 2 eggs, lightly beaten
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon baking soda
• ½ teaspoon salt
• 2 1/4 cups (not packed) all-purpose flour
• 2 cups pecan pieces

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 350*F. Grease a 9x11 baking pan.
2. In a saucepan over medium-low heat, melt the butter.
3. Add the sugar to the butter, stirring until the sugar fully melts into the butter. Once the sugar has melted, add the molasses. After about 2 minutes, remove the butter and sugar mixture from the heat.
4. Let cool 5 minutes.
5. Add vanilla and eggs, beating vigourously to combine. The longer you beat at this point, the better crust you'll get.
6. Add the flour, baking powder and salt, mixing until just combined.
7. Stir in the pecan pieces.
8. Transfer your blondie batter to your baking pan. The batter will be fairly thick here, but you should be able to push everything out to the edges and smooth down the top.
9. Bake 25-30 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the centre comes out clean.

review: why the world exists

Despite the hugeness of my book collection and the frequency with which I purchase (two more made their way into my home this weekend, don't judge) it is only very rarely that a hardcover makes its way into my home. This was a book that I lusted over though, and eventually parted ways with some gift card money in order to bring Jim Holt's Why the World Exists home.

As the title suggests the book is an exploration of the why of existence, why there is something rather than nothing, why we specifically exist, how the heck that came to be, and the different ways that exist of explaining existence. I may have mentioned before that my interests in philosophy lie most strongly in that brief space between science and religion (my entire degree was taken to satisfy a deep metaphysical longing ... which sounds incredibly pretentious, but it's true).

With all the arguments put forth in the book - and there are many - this was a slow read. This isn't a book designed to be devoured in a couple of sittings, it's a book designed for slow consumption to make sure you understand the arguments and counterarguments being presented. Holt examines the mystery from existence from all angles which is refreshing, and he's equally willing to knock down a scientific argument as a philosophical or religious which I appreciate.

When reading the philosophy and religion sections it wasn't uncommon for me to feel as if the book was hopelessly derivitive in that Holt didn't put forth any of his own arguments, though near the end he tries his hand at an interesting and original proof. My frustration rather missed the point, though, as the book isn't about putting forth a new argument but rather exploring the possibilities from all angles and trying to come up with something.

As an overview of the question of existence it really it beautifully done. The mathematical and scientific arguments were particularly enlightening for me, and I appreciated having so many arguments in one place. The further I got into the book the more I wanted it to actually provide me an answer though, and on that account things were bound to be deeply unsatisfying. Knowledge about the reason of existence is not easy to come by and this affirms my conviction that belief is perhaps the best we can come up with.

Ultimately this book leaves Kierkegaard's argument about the existence of god ringing in my head. It can never be proven that god exists, because knowledge leaves no room for faith. I haven't figured out exactly what it is I believe about the existence of the world, but it's certainly interesting that this the final thought I can come back with in response to this book.

orange ginger stir fry sauce

When I make a standard meal around the house I don't really expect a big reaction. Given how often stir fries are made here, I figure they'd be kind of boring. I could not have been more mistaken, as I discovered the other day when Bunny came home to a big mixing cup full of stir fry sauce on the counter. He did a little dance, even.

This time I'm not going to give the actual instructions on the stir fry, because honestly? We've been there, done that so many times. You know the drill, cut your stuff into chunks and add it in based on what the cooking times are.

What I am going to give you is a variation on my standard sauce. This is a simple variation but it was a real hit. Hoisin still forms the base, but orange and ginger are dominant flavours. With the sweetness of the orange I did dial up the amount of chili oil I use, and dialed down the soy sauce to keep things from getting too liquid. The beautiful thing about a good stir fry is just how variable it is. Find your flavours and play from there. Don't be afraid to try new things.

Orange Ginger Stir Fry Sauce

Ingredients

• 2/3 cup hoisin sauce
• 1/4 cup soy sauce
• zest of 1 orange
• juice of 1 orange
• chili flakes in oil
• 3 tbsp minced or grated ginger (a zester is the perfect tool for this)
• a dash of fish sauce

Directions

1. In large measuring cup or small mixing bowl, combine all ingredients. Stir until mixed. Let sit for 1 hour, use in stir fry.
2. If not using the same day, cover and store in the fridge.