weight woes

I spend a lot of time talking about how I like to eat healthy (whole foods, home cooking, junk food home made instead of crappy and processed). This is all true, but lately it's not the whole picture. In the past month or so my occasional forays onto a scale have been making it clear that I'm not doing as well as I'd hoped. I always forget how maintaining weight can be just as much effort as losing it.

See, I have a "weight" that I consider mine, and anytime I step on the scale I expect to see a number that's within five pounds either way of that. If things are trending significantly to the high or low end of the range I get on a scale a little more often and try to watch my eating habits more. I've been coming in on that high end more often than not, and I'm not feeling so great about it.

It's been hard staying on track with a diet that's satisfying and healthy since we moved in with my mom. (Among the many other things I've struggled with.) Lack of control of the fridge and grocery lists definitely contribute. I only cook dinner a couple days a week now, so options aren't so tailored to things I enjoy eating. When store bought crap is in the house I eat it: it's why I didn't let it come in our front door before, because it was a recipe for disaster.

Being back at work, and working rotating hours (retail hours, essentially) has also played into this. I'm not in the mood to make something healthy when I walk in the front door at 9:30 and I know it. I don't always have my mornings to leisurely have a couple of lattes for breakfast and deliver some dairy with my caffeine. It's harder to maintain good habits when my schedule is all over the place.

Let's also just be upfront and say that I've just slipped into some lazy habits as well. I'm not opposed to buying the occasional bag of chips or fancy popcorn, but it's become too common of an occurence. I don't need to keep a container of gummi bears by the tv stand. It's just poor decision making on my part because I'm never happy with the result.

So I'll be paying a little more attention over the next few months to how I'm taking care of myself, and trying to make sure that I make healthy eating a priority. Crap is still totally allowed, but no more processed cookies and cakes and convenience food that I can just as easily make myself. If I want junk I can put some effort into it. It's a rule that's served me well in the past.

people do not own people

This breaks my heart that I'm reading about a case of human trafficking occurring in Canada. I mean, I know I shouldn't be surprised. This is an issue I pay attention to, and it's one has been known to get me so worked up I can't form a coherent sentence. It is ridiculous that in this world, these days, such a thing as slavery still exists. Not just in the developing world, but in industrialized nations. In North America. In my home.

That's how this feels; like this issue is literally invading my home. It makes me feel unsafe, like my own autonomy and freedom are at risk. That's the thing though: when we allow any one person's freedom to be taken away, when just one person gets away with "owning" another individual it impedes on everyone's freedom, everyone's security. No one should have to go through this.

So when a human trafficking ring is busted in northern Alberta, my heart hurts. When a religious leader is implicated in that bust is blows my mind.

I don't know where to go from here, and I don't think there are any easy answers. But this is something I can't simply turn a blind eye to, I need to stand up and acknowlege this and be very, very clear: This is not ok. I am not ok living in a world where people treat other people with this level of disrepect and contempt.

budget smudget

I'm a little bit peeved with myself right now, financially. Not that I've done anything wrong, per se, but I'm frustrated with what I have not been doing.

A little history for you: I was terrible with money in high school. I worked like crazy, but I didn't save. I viewed cash as expendable. Now, money does not control me, and it's something that can be replaced, but to have control of your own money and to have money available for me whenever I need it is important. In high school, though, I had no concept of control or budgeting. Whatever money I have, was available for spending - and in fact would be spent.

University was a little bit better. I had a semblance of a budget, because the money had to stretch for the school year, but I didn't truly understand the concept of budgeting and the importance of saving. I funded my education mostly through private bank loans, and because I hadn't worked for the money, I had no attachment to it. If I wanted to buy a dress, or a book, or new shoes, the only question was "do I have the money available?" It didn't matter that it wasn't really my money, just that it was there to be used. I missed payments, avoided collection calls, and was just generally stupid with my money.

After I graduated, I quickly decided that I didn't want the black cloud of student debt hanging over my head for the next ten to fifteen years. So, I learned how to budget. I learned that just because money is available doesn't mean that I should spend it. I started aggressively paying back debt, I started building an emergency fund, I created a budget that I can understand and live with. That isn't so strict that I can't stick to it, and can be flexible when I need it to be.

The past month or two, though, I have been avoiding my budget. I've been sticking to it, but avoiding looking at it or thinking about it. This all started when Bunny and I got engaged, and I avoided sitting down and making a super formal budget (which I still have to do. Dang it!)

I haven't looked at my budget, really, since then. I mean I've looked, but I haven't truly reviewed the budget and adjusted it too much, which is unfortunate. I really do need to start doing that more. Especially given that my financial situation has changed, and it's time to really look at how to make the funds that Bunny and I have available to us last. I'm not quite sure why I'm avoiding it, because at the end of the day knowing how my financial situation stands, and where it's taking me, is very satisfying.

on a serious note

Modern slavery.

I want to say more on the subject, but I honestly cannot calm myself down about this enough to speak rationally.

First, a friend sent me a link to an article about child slavery in the Ivory Coast and the cocoa trade(is your chocolate bar worth the fact that another person has been treated as less than a human being?) I read, I researched. My blood absolutely boiled.

So I researched some more. Then, I swore off chocolate unless it is certified fair trade, because at the very least I can choose not to support companies that enslave people, or support a supply chain that relies on slavery.

And I kept reading.

This is an issue that seems to be popping up a lot lately. There have been a few journalistic pieces on the news. There's lots online.

The more I read, the madder I get. Because apparently swearing off chocolate doesn't do very much. At least, not when you think about the fact that people who are enslaved are forced into the labour that produces your clothes, your electronics, your houses - your everything.

I don't have a link to the source, but this fact literally made my head explode today. There are 27 million slaves in the world today, more than there have ever historically been.

There are 27 MILLION PEOPLE who are not treated with the most basic of human rights? Women, men, children. People born into slavery, sold into slavery, kidnapped into slavery.

Boys stolen from bus stops, sold into slavery and forced to labour in cocoa fields in unsanitary conditions and with little to no hope of escape. Entire countries that force their children from schools come harvest time to pick cotton. Women and girls stolen from streetcorners and airports, sold into sexual servitude. Who are forced into a life of repeated, unending rapes. Adults and children coming to Florida to find work and being put into conditions of slavery picking tomatos.

Let's stop and think about the last one for a second. This is not just something that happens in third world countries. This is not something that is limited to sociopaths, or perverts. There are businesses in the United States of America that operate based on slave labour. I'm pretty sure that at least part of the point of the American Civil War was that people cannot be owned by other people. Ever. It just isn't possible.

I am not unfamiliar with the historical facts of slavery. I know the history of it (though perhaps not as well as I should) as it has occurred in North America. My love affair with the ancient world means I have studied and written essays and reports on slavery in ancient Greece and Rome. In theory, historically, I will admit I was willing to entertain the idea that not every slave owner was a terrible person. On an intellectual level to think that "well, I very much disagree, but those were part of the societal norms at the time".

It doesn't fucking matter what the societal norms are. People are people. There are not ranks of people who are better than each other or lower than each other. On the most fundamental level we are all the same, and we can never forget that. Never.

People. People who aren't that much different from you or I. People who are somebodies' sons and daughters. People who think, and feel, just like you or me. People who are no different from you or me. In no way are these people any less than you or me or anyone.

Except that someone decided that it would be okay to treat them as less than human.

I may have mentioned how angry this makes me?