Tuesday, December 18, 2012

wanting the babies, now

I talk less about the fact that I want to have a baby than I do about the fact that I had a miscarriage. The miscarriage is a done deal, now it's just dealing with the physical and emotional aftermath. For me that's a million times easier than thinking about getting pregnant, and waiting to get pregnant, and trying to get pregnant. There's nothing I can do about that process (beyond what I'm already doing), so I've just got to let go and let life happen.

There are a lot of reasons why we want to have the babies now rather than later. But the fact is that while the chance to be a young mom has passed me by, I don't want to be an older mom having babies. I want to be done with making the babies in my early thirties. More than that, I want Bunny to be around for all the big milestones of their lives, if possible.

In some ways part of what hurt so much about the miscarriage was the fear that it took the possibility of being a young-ish mother away from me.

This article from a couple weeks back on Slate gets to a lot of what my fears are. Of course, if it took my seven years to have a baby I'd still want one (I think) and what's right for me and my family isn't what's right for anyone else.

5 comments:

  1. I so feel you. I always wanted to be a young-ish mom. I think at 24, I decided I was ready (regardless of the fact that I was not even close to dating anyone, at least seriously). I didn't meet the boy until I was 26, and we got married when I was 30. So I guess you could say I am kind of old (or at least that I will never really be a young mom), but I really really want this baby (ies) to come real soon.
    I hope they come to you as well. And I hope dealing with your miscarriage is getting easier and that soon it won't hurt you in any way (physical or emotional). Hugs.

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    1. It's so hard wanting the babies and doing the bedroom work and just the waiting. Always with the waiting. :( Hopefully things will start moving a little quicker for both of us soon!

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  2. I found that reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility was really empowering, and I credit it with getting pregnant as easily as I did. I mean, my doc was like "day 14" but my body was all "yeah, right, it's day 16 thanks." If I'd listened to my doctor, I'd have had a harder time. Huge long book, but super informative.

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  3. Also, that is a weird article. Especially the end, where she argues with "A remarkable feature of the new older parenting,” Shulevitz writes, “is how happy women seem to be about it. It’s considered a feminist triumph.” Um. That seems to me to be a good thing, women being happy with their choices and all.

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    1. That was definitely an odd moment in the article, and not the only one.

      Thanks for the recommended reading. :) I'm still putting off getting too heavily into fertility and family planning reading because the whole getting pregnant bit is just fraught with little emotional minefields for me, but I will keep it in mind for when I'm ready to be a little more proactive about it.

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