Bunny and I like looking at old things. Other people's cast offs, second hand and vintage furniture, old houses. Of course give the man a chance to look at anything old that comes with an internal combustion engine and he's just hooked. For me, old houses and old neighbourhoods make me swoon.
We each have very distinct tastes, though there's an overlap. I love dark, heavy woods and have a fairly intense dislike for light woods and whites. They will not make it into our house, one day. He likes intricate carving and scroll work, out of an appreciation for and understanding of the skill involved. I find old chairs, particularly wingback styles, to be just luxurious and we both agree that old couches, while pretty are terribly uncomfortable.
I could spend an hour looking at old teacups. He could spend hours looking at old toys. It would not be unfair to say that our eventual domicile, when we purchase said home, will be quite a collection of things that go but don't match. New, overstuffed couches, old chairs, lots of old wooden furniture. Old art, one of a kind blankets.
This desire for the old, the pretty, the unique leaves both of us underwhelmed at the house opportunities in our city. Near the downtown centre, where the houses are 150-200 years old? They are gorgeous, unique and in various states of repair. Anywhere else in town? We're plagued with cookie-cutter, subdivision style mass market homes. Where every house looks just the same as the house beside it, just with a few different options. There's this one style of uniquely ugly home I've only ever seen in Barrie and it's quite horrible, really.
I'm confident that one day we will quite easily curate a home that caters to our own personal style and blends our old and new tastes. What I'm not so sure of is whether or not we can actually buy a house that has any interest, or whether we're going to end up in a cookie cutter house.
Showing posts with label ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ramblings. Show all posts
Friday, May 24, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
game of thrones, sans politics
Over the weekend I fell down the internet reading rabbit hole. You know the one, I'm sure. You click on a link, then another and just keep following. Suddenly there are so many open that you're going to break your browser (if you're like me), or else you have gone so hopelessly forward that the back button has become useless. A quick wonder about what the first race that Rossi won in MotoGP ends up with reading about rebellion in Tang dynasty China, or deepwater fish whose mouths fuse closed in adulthood.
What I found down at the bottom of this particular hole was a natty argument about Game of Thrones and whether it's feminist or not. There are some interesting points on both sides, though I find myself quite strongly thinking that no, the show's not feminist (nor are the books). There are some kick ass female characters, but feminism this is not. I'm also bewildered as to why this even comes up as a discussion, really.
It's entertainment, and it's not meant to make a political statement. This is pure fiction, perhaps somewhat inspired by medieval history, certainly informed by the fantastical but in no way influenced by modern political movements and leanings. It's a story that's told in context, and the context of Westeros bears an awfully large resemblance to feudal England. This story isn't written in a society where women's voices count for a lot. Yes, women jockey for power and influence, but their spheres of influence are limited and there is much less scope to flex their muscles than the men in their lives.
In a lot of ways the books at least are fairly open about the constrictions placed by society on women. Sansa and Arya serve as a stark (pun not intended by now deemed hilarious) constrast between the stereotypical good noble lady and the wild woman who wants to experience life outside the limitations of a lady. In King's Landing Cersei and Margaery juggle the influence offered them, influence given only by their relationship to the king. There are women who push themselves outside the bounds of their gender - Daenerys and Brienne are two notables - but this isn't necessarily something that's easy or brings success. Or even that they encourage.
None of that is feminist. Nor should it be. It's entertainment. It's not about a political message or about what women are capable of. I don't look at my entertainment to always carry a political message. It's not like motorcycle racing or quilting says anything about the worth of women in society. Why should we expect that of a tv show?
What I found down at the bottom of this particular hole was a natty argument about Game of Thrones and whether it's feminist or not. There are some interesting points on both sides, though I find myself quite strongly thinking that no, the show's not feminist (nor are the books). There are some kick ass female characters, but feminism this is not. I'm also bewildered as to why this even comes up as a discussion, really.
It's entertainment, and it's not meant to make a political statement. This is pure fiction, perhaps somewhat inspired by medieval history, certainly informed by the fantastical but in no way influenced by modern political movements and leanings. It's a story that's told in context, and the context of Westeros bears an awfully large resemblance to feudal England. This story isn't written in a society where women's voices count for a lot. Yes, women jockey for power and influence, but their spheres of influence are limited and there is much less scope to flex their muscles than the men in their lives.
In a lot of ways the books at least are fairly open about the constrictions placed by society on women. Sansa and Arya serve as a stark (pun not intended by now deemed hilarious) constrast between the stereotypical good noble lady and the wild woman who wants to experience life outside the limitations of a lady. In King's Landing Cersei and Margaery juggle the influence offered them, influence given only by their relationship to the king. There are women who push themselves outside the bounds of their gender - Daenerys and Brienne are two notables - but this isn't necessarily something that's easy or brings success. Or even that they encourage.
None of that is feminist. Nor should it be. It's entertainment. It's not about a political message or about what women are capable of. I don't look at my entertainment to always carry a political message. It's not like motorcycle racing or quilting says anything about the worth of women in society. Why should we expect that of a tv show?
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
bra talk
My bras and I have a love/hate relationship. There is nothing I enjoy as much as putting on an almost new, perfectly fitting bra. Feeling supported, knowing my chest isn't going to chafe (underboob chafing is about my least favourite thing, ever), a band that doesn't budge around my back.
My weight, though? It has not been super stable. I'd been on a year of careening downwards and slowly levelling off, and I've been on a slow upward tick that I'm trying to take control of right now. Unstable weight makes for tricky bras. Ten pounds can mean a whole new bra size, and I wear "specialty" sizes which makes life difficult.
Technically, if I'm throwing comfort and fit out the window, I can find a bra at a normal store. Except it doesn't fit properly, and there's underboob sweat, and because the band is too big things just don't stay in place. This is how wound up with me, running to catch a bus, suddenly busting out of my dress in university. I'd rather not relive that, really.
The smallest properly fitting bra I've ever owned was a 30F. The biggest was a 34G. I'm pretty sure that if I'd walked into my bra store at my highest weight I still would have only been buying a 36 or a 38 ... though maybe with an H cup??
Which is all a lot of love on my bras. I love a well fitting bra. I don't love when it's been a year since I've bought new bras, though, and I only buy 2 at a time because they're expensive, and I need to start thinking about a trip downtown to spend more money on fancy bras and get a new bra size. I don't love when I've just gained or lost 5 pounds and my bras feel just a little bit off, but not quite worth going out for new ones.
Of course this whole rant mostly just means it's time to go buy new bras. My good ones aren't holding up so well anymore - the elastic is shot and the band is starting to ride up my back and I'm starting to get some awkward boob spillage that isn't normal for me. Which also signals that I'll need to get re-sized as I'm at it, because none of that is normal. Shopping time soon, I suppose.
What items of clothing do you kind of dread shopping for?
My weight, though? It has not been super stable. I'd been on a year of careening downwards and slowly levelling off, and I've been on a slow upward tick that I'm trying to take control of right now. Unstable weight makes for tricky bras. Ten pounds can mean a whole new bra size, and I wear "specialty" sizes which makes life difficult.
Technically, if I'm throwing comfort and fit out the window, I can find a bra at a normal store. Except it doesn't fit properly, and there's underboob sweat, and because the band is too big things just don't stay in place. This is how wound up with me, running to catch a bus, suddenly busting out of my dress in university. I'd rather not relive that, really.
The smallest properly fitting bra I've ever owned was a 30F. The biggest was a 34G. I'm pretty sure that if I'd walked into my bra store at my highest weight I still would have only been buying a 36 or a 38 ... though maybe with an H cup??
Which is all a lot of love on my bras. I love a well fitting bra. I don't love when it's been a year since I've bought new bras, though, and I only buy 2 at a time because they're expensive, and I need to start thinking about a trip downtown to spend more money on fancy bras and get a new bra size. I don't love when I've just gained or lost 5 pounds and my bras feel just a little bit off, but not quite worth going out for new ones.
Of course this whole rant mostly just means it's time to go buy new bras. My good ones aren't holding up so well anymore - the elastic is shot and the band is starting to ride up my back and I'm starting to get some awkward boob spillage that isn't normal for me. Which also signals that I'll need to get re-sized as I'm at it, because none of that is normal. Shopping time soon, I suppose.
What items of clothing do you kind of dread shopping for?
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
starting fresh
It's May. How did that happen? April practically flashed right on by me and I'm not really sure where the month went at all.
Lately I love the start of a new month. At work with the way our sales cycles run, I always find the last few days of the month rather stressful. It's either worrying about keeping my numbers up and being terrified of having a bad day that will throw my numbers under the bus or its about busting ass to try to pull my number back to a something that resembles respectable. It feels like a lot of money is on the line; considering the percent of my monthly income that I can make in bonuses in a month it is a lot of money on the line for me.
Luckily I started April off strong so I had a lot of the work already done coming into the last week or so. I managed to pull through strong and even though I'll spend the next few days waiting for the official numbers and for management to release the month's bonus tally I know from my own math approximately how much I can be expecting, and I feel good about even the low end of the spectrum. It's nice to feel good about my performance, and I really like the hard feedback from numbers and the financial reward. Still, the last few days I'm stressed about having a bad day and throwing my month down the drain.
The first of the month feels all fresh and shiny and new at work. There's a chance to start over again. Working on setting myself up for success is more exciting than just trying to hold on to numbers that I've been working on, and even when my numbers are rock solid near the end of the month I stress out, hardcore, about the whole thing.
It's also a good time for me to reassess my financial situation on a more personal level. I haven't run all the numbers yet, but I'm cautiously optimistic. My paycheque deposit last night pulled my bank account number up above a big deal savings goal of mine that I've been working hard on developing, although once my loan payments come out it might slip just back under target.
It puts us at a good place with saving for a down payment (technically, we have a down payment at this point, we could just never afford the mortgage we'd be carrying with only this much down). We also need to figure out what we're really doing with my bonuses. We always figure them out a fair bit before they're paid out (we budget them) but it's all over the place. Probably when we're closer to buying a house we'll save them for things like laundry machines and those bits of furniture you forget you need and all the other things that go with moving but that's still ages away. We could definitely be more intentional about this.
Lately I love the start of a new month. At work with the way our sales cycles run, I always find the last few days of the month rather stressful. It's either worrying about keeping my numbers up and being terrified of having a bad day that will throw my numbers under the bus or its about busting ass to try to pull my number back to a something that resembles respectable. It feels like a lot of money is on the line; considering the percent of my monthly income that I can make in bonuses in a month it is a lot of money on the line for me.
Luckily I started April off strong so I had a lot of the work already done coming into the last week or so. I managed to pull through strong and even though I'll spend the next few days waiting for the official numbers and for management to release the month's bonus tally I know from my own math approximately how much I can be expecting, and I feel good about even the low end of the spectrum. It's nice to feel good about my performance, and I really like the hard feedback from numbers and the financial reward. Still, the last few days I'm stressed about having a bad day and throwing my month down the drain.
The first of the month feels all fresh and shiny and new at work. There's a chance to start over again. Working on setting myself up for success is more exciting than just trying to hold on to numbers that I've been working on, and even when my numbers are rock solid near the end of the month I stress out, hardcore, about the whole thing.
It's also a good time for me to reassess my financial situation on a more personal level. I haven't run all the numbers yet, but I'm cautiously optimistic. My paycheque deposit last night pulled my bank account number up above a big deal savings goal of mine that I've been working hard on developing, although once my loan payments come out it might slip just back under target.
It puts us at a good place with saving for a down payment (technically, we have a down payment at this point, we could just never afford the mortgage we'd be carrying with only this much down). We also need to figure out what we're really doing with my bonuses. We always figure them out a fair bit before they're paid out (we budget them) but it's all over the place. Probably when we're closer to buying a house we'll save them for things like laundry machines and those bits of furniture you forget you need and all the other things that go with moving but that's still ages away. We could definitely be more intentional about this.
Monday, April 29, 2013
28
This weekend I got older, which is always odd. Birthdays are strange and awkward for me, and while I like the excuse for presents I'm not a big birthday celebration fan. Everyone else seems to think me turning older is a much bigger deal than I do. Maybe I just don't like having all the attention on me, and I feel a lot of pressure around my birthday to just be all "me, me, me" and it's kind of obnoxious.
Which sounds totally ungrateful, and maybe it is. I'm not all that fancy a person, and most of my wants are pretty low key. Mostly all I wanted was dinner at one of my favourite restaurants and a trip to the museum, which will wait till June, when the exhibit I want to see starts. Other than that? All I really wanted was a fancy coffee and a dinner with just me and my husband, followed by cuddling up on the couch watching some old motorcycle races with a glass of nice wine.
We ended up doing a little bit more than that - handled some shopping and did some planned spending from one of my gift card bonuses from work. New book, new blazer (on sale! with a bonus discount card! in a colour I'd been looking for!) and even a new camera. Which means that I will finally make good on those promises to share pictures of my crafting and some baking recipes. If the battery ever charges, that is (I bought the floor model, and the charger won't light up, so I'm not 100% sure if it's working or not. If not, back to the store it goes for an exchange). I also had my third driving lesson this morning which was tons of fun.
I'm not sure how I feel about turning 28. 27 was a strange, surreal year with some of the biggest lows and most amazing ups I've ever had. It will always be the year I got married, and that's pretty awesome, but a lot of hard stuff happened too. I don't know how much I need in the way of fancy celebrations for this turn around the globe, really. But it was a nice day, when everyone else wasn't trying to fuss so much over it.
Which sounds totally ungrateful, and maybe it is. I'm not all that fancy a person, and most of my wants are pretty low key. Mostly all I wanted was dinner at one of my favourite restaurants and a trip to the museum, which will wait till June, when the exhibit I want to see starts. Other than that? All I really wanted was a fancy coffee and a dinner with just me and my husband, followed by cuddling up on the couch watching some old motorcycle races with a glass of nice wine.
We ended up doing a little bit more than that - handled some shopping and did some planned spending from one of my gift card bonuses from work. New book, new blazer (on sale! with a bonus discount card! in a colour I'd been looking for!) and even a new camera. Which means that I will finally make good on those promises to share pictures of my crafting and some baking recipes. If the battery ever charges, that is (I bought the floor model, and the charger won't light up, so I'm not 100% sure if it's working or not. If not, back to the store it goes for an exchange). I also had my third driving lesson this morning which was tons of fun.
I'm not sure how I feel about turning 28. 27 was a strange, surreal year with some of the biggest lows and most amazing ups I've ever had. It will always be the year I got married, and that's pretty awesome, but a lot of hard stuff happened too. I don't know how much I need in the way of fancy celebrations for this turn around the globe, really. But it was a nice day, when everyone else wasn't trying to fuss so much over it.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
enough is enough (a ramble)
While the tv was on a lot in my house growing up, the news was almost never on. We'd tune into a local morning show that was really more weather and variety tv, with a hint of local news thrown in for good measure. I started reading the new in high school, and watching the Daily Show in university (which, while amazing commentary is not a real news delivery system). Since Bunny's come along, though, watching the news has become a part of my everyday life. We put on the news while we bustle around in the morning. It's the background noise we put on after work, when I'm busy cooking and he's freelancing.
Lately it's been exhausting. It's been heartbreaking, really, some of what's going on in the world.
Stories of teenage girls commiting suicide, after being raped and sexually harassed and then bullied over it. Newscasters expressing sympathy to men who commit these type of crimes, rather than the women who are attacked. Seeing how clearly major news outlets are afraid of saying the word "rape" when that's what happened, how they sugar coat a situation as if it somehow softens the truth.
Then there are mass murders and terrorist attacks and too many innocent people, innocent children, dead because someone is angry at the world. There's shock and worlds imploding around people and it's just all too much until I want to tune it all out and pretend that this isn't the world I live in.
It makes me sad that we live in a world where people think it's ok to act like this. Where this is how people treat each other, and where it's gotten to just be so common. I'm tired of it.
Lately it's been exhausting. It's been heartbreaking, really, some of what's going on in the world.
Stories of teenage girls commiting suicide, after being raped and sexually harassed and then bullied over it. Newscasters expressing sympathy to men who commit these type of crimes, rather than the women who are attacked. Seeing how clearly major news outlets are afraid of saying the word "rape" when that's what happened, how they sugar coat a situation as if it somehow softens the truth.
Then there are mass murders and terrorist attacks and too many innocent people, innocent children, dead because someone is angry at the world. There's shock and worlds imploding around people and it's just all too much until I want to tune it all out and pretend that this isn't the world I live in.
It makes me sad that we live in a world where people think it's ok to act like this. Where this is how people treat each other, and where it's gotten to just be so common. I'm tired of it.
Monday, April 22, 2013
off track
You know those weekends that roll by in a blur, and while you get lots done and probably enjoyed yourself, but you're not quite sure because you haven't had enough time to process things? This was one of those. We did make a point of having a dinner date (poutine!) on Friday night after work, which has to count for something.
Around the house stuff got finished - laundry put away, kitty litter cleaned, I tidied up the basement and such.
Saturday consisted of my second driving lesson (turning! I can turn! and it's fun!) and a couple of miscellaneous errands in the morning, followed by the baby shower. A couple hours filled with lots of people and kind of centred around, well, babies. I officially said goodbye to the baby quilt (though I will go back and get a photograph of us, and it's just living next door) but it's definitely on its way to a good home. After, we went back to my mother in law's and spent some more time with the family before running away to get some quiet time ... and some Doctor Who.
Sunday was out of town errands. Nowhere excessive, but we needed to get out to the flea market for some nicotine fluid for Bunny's e-cab and made a stop in at the quilting shop in the town nearby to price out batting and scope out fabrics for my next project. Then it was home so Bunny could get some solid hours of freelance in (and I got a bunch of around the house stuff done).
We did have some relaxing time. I got some sewing done and officially decided that I'm going for 20 blocks on the Scrappy Trip quilt which just leaves these last four to go, and means I'll be working on it awhile longer. We also stopped and checked in for Doctor Who on Saturday night and took an online visit to Jerez, Spain for a GP race. We'll catch up on the rest of the classes over the rest of the week. Thank goodness I was gifted a surprise three day weekend from work with how crazy everything's been.
Tomorrow it's back to the grind for the last full week of the month at work. It's all cylinders go there, and this time of month there's a lot of pressure with sales targets and no chances to make up for a bad day. Time is just zipping by lately.
Around the house stuff got finished - laundry put away, kitty litter cleaned, I tidied up the basement and such.
Saturday consisted of my second driving lesson (turning! I can turn! and it's fun!) and a couple of miscellaneous errands in the morning, followed by the baby shower. A couple hours filled with lots of people and kind of centred around, well, babies. I officially said goodbye to the baby quilt (though I will go back and get a photograph of us, and it's just living next door) but it's definitely on its way to a good home. After, we went back to my mother in law's and spent some more time with the family before running away to get some quiet time ... and some Doctor Who.
Sunday was out of town errands. Nowhere excessive, but we needed to get out to the flea market for some nicotine fluid for Bunny's e-cab and made a stop in at the quilting shop in the town nearby to price out batting and scope out fabrics for my next project. Then it was home so Bunny could get some solid hours of freelance in (and I got a bunch of around the house stuff done).
We did have some relaxing time. I got some sewing done and officially decided that I'm going for 20 blocks on the Scrappy Trip quilt which just leaves these last four to go, and means I'll be working on it awhile longer. We also stopped and checked in for Doctor Who on Saturday night and took an online visit to Jerez, Spain for a GP race. We'll catch up on the rest of the classes over the rest of the week. Thank goodness I was gifted a surprise three day weekend from work with how crazy everything's been.
Tomorrow it's back to the grind for the last full week of the month at work. It's all cylinders go there, and this time of month there's a lot of pressure with sales targets and no chances to make up for a bad day. Time is just zipping by lately.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
learning to like things
In all honesty I'm never going to love the city we live in. But it has jobs, for both of us - career work for him, work-work for me - and it has family and it's affordable to live here. It's boring, and culture is non-existent. There's almost no diversity, and perhaps because of that it tends to bring out the worst in stereotypical ignorance. It's a hard city to like, for me.
For all of that, though, I'm trying. I have to try because otherwise I'll just be sucked into a terrible pit of hating where I live for perhaps the rest of my life and that's just depressing. I'm trying to come up with activities to do here, things that we can get involved in and places we can go for fun.
In the summer we have a beautiful beachfront (although really? don't get into that water, please) that's made for strolling along. Lovely long walks can be had there, and there's the cutest little ice cream shop by the marina that has a killer rainbow sherbert.
Typical suburban charm also leads to some pretty intense garage sales in the summer. There aren't always the same treasures that you might find in the snazzy downtown Toronto neighbourhoods, but there are some hidden gems and once we hit Victoria Day you can't take an early morning drive on the weekend without running into at least five. The typical suburban attitude also means that the hipster styles of the city haven't become all the rage here yet, so we can find some amazing shabby chic thing at a bargain. The nearby, small town antiques barns (literally, in barns) are quite similar, and haven't been infiltrated by designer pricing yet. Antique wood chests at $300? Still painful to spend that much ... but in Toronto that would easily be double.
The Thai place here is quickly becoming "our" restaurant, although it makes me sad that their pad thai flat out sucks. Everything else on the menu is great and the tom yum soup is flat out phenomenal. Classy décor and amazing food designed to be shared? Yeah I'll take that.
Bunny and I are also looking at all the various physical opportunities. While we're not willing to shell out the money to get into skiing at this point (seriously, skiing and snowboarding are about all you can do here most of the year) we're talking about buying day passes and renting out some gear next year. Or maybe hitting the tubing hills, which can also be quite fun. We're taking a look to see if there are gyms we can stomach the price of - I'd love to do yoga classes, and we both feel out of shape. Maybe we'd even take up rock climbing if we could find a place.
I've been offered a chance to devote some of my sewing time to a theatre company a coworker volunteers at. I'm not sure if I'm interested, but we'll see.
Then there's the fact that Bunny's teaching me how to drive. For real. I even had my first lesson last weekend and managed not to stall out the truck.
There's also the quilting store in one of the towns nearby that I'm maybe a little bit in love with. Love it love it love it. Fabrics and threads and patterns and thimbles (thumb thimbles!) oh my.
How do you find things to love where you live? Have you ever tried to find things to love in a place that you're not fond of? How'd you go about it?
For all of that, though, I'm trying. I have to try because otherwise I'll just be sucked into a terrible pit of hating where I live for perhaps the rest of my life and that's just depressing. I'm trying to come up with activities to do here, things that we can get involved in and places we can go for fun.
In the summer we have a beautiful beachfront (although really? don't get into that water, please) that's made for strolling along. Lovely long walks can be had there, and there's the cutest little ice cream shop by the marina that has a killer rainbow sherbert.
Typical suburban charm also leads to some pretty intense garage sales in the summer. There aren't always the same treasures that you might find in the snazzy downtown Toronto neighbourhoods, but there are some hidden gems and once we hit Victoria Day you can't take an early morning drive on the weekend without running into at least five. The typical suburban attitude also means that the hipster styles of the city haven't become all the rage here yet, so we can find some amazing shabby chic thing at a bargain. The nearby, small town antiques barns (literally, in barns) are quite similar, and haven't been infiltrated by designer pricing yet. Antique wood chests at $300? Still painful to spend that much ... but in Toronto that would easily be double.
The Thai place here is quickly becoming "our" restaurant, although it makes me sad that their pad thai flat out sucks. Everything else on the menu is great and the tom yum soup is flat out phenomenal. Classy décor and amazing food designed to be shared? Yeah I'll take that.
Bunny and I are also looking at all the various physical opportunities. While we're not willing to shell out the money to get into skiing at this point (seriously, skiing and snowboarding are about all you can do here most of the year) we're talking about buying day passes and renting out some gear next year. Or maybe hitting the tubing hills, which can also be quite fun. We're taking a look to see if there are gyms we can stomach the price of - I'd love to do yoga classes, and we both feel out of shape. Maybe we'd even take up rock climbing if we could find a place.
I've been offered a chance to devote some of my sewing time to a theatre company a coworker volunteers at. I'm not sure if I'm interested, but we'll see.
Then there's the fact that Bunny's teaching me how to drive. For real. I even had my first lesson last weekend and managed not to stall out the truck.
There's also the quilting store in one of the towns nearby that I'm maybe a little bit in love with. Love it love it love it. Fabrics and threads and patterns and thimbles (thumb thimbles!) oh my.
How do you find things to love where you live? Have you ever tried to find things to love in a place that you're not fond of? How'd you go about it?
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
left out
A month ago or so I was in a room full of women, some of whom I knew well, some of whom were friends of people I know well. It was an open house for a product line and was very casual - a number of brands were being represented and I was happy enough to show up to support people. A fair chunk of extended family was there, too, so it was also definitely a social event as well.
After the first half hour or so, though, the conversation got a little bit stuck in a loop. Someone brought up their child and the next thing you knew, for the next three hours, the conversation was almost exclusively on children and being pregnant, with slight interjects about husbands not doing their share around the house. Granted there was also a heavily pregnant lady in the room as well as a brand new momma, so of course babies would come up. But everytime the subject changed it would inevitably spin back to the conversation of children
There was something strange and uncomfortable about the whole matter. These are smart, fun, engaging women. Women who are successful in their careers - there was a banker, entrepreneurs, a nurse. Women who have brains and have lives outside of just their babies. And yet the default conversation was entirely based around current and future children, interspersed with a whole lot of "you'll sees" for the few of us who didn't have children. Like I wasn't part of the club, and wouldn't be able to fully participate in the lady talk until I cross that boundary and my opinion is somehow less valid for not being there.
It's not to say that our families shouldn't be important, because they are huge. But really? Isn't there more to us? What's up with this idea that the defining moment of our lives is our reproductive success? I feel like we should have more to talk about than just babies. I mean yes, babies, interesting and engaging and huge accomplishments but there has to be more to us.
Where was the talk about the cool hobby projects that people were into? The fact that their careers were fulfilling or engaging or even just that they enjoy leaving the house to work? Wasn't there even one single other subject that these women could have used to relate to each other than just babies?
The whole time I felt incredibly isolated. Because I can't just jump into the baby conversation without revealing some very hard things, and so if I don't know the people involved in the conversation I'm probably not going to. I don't need to turn everything into a woe is me tale. It made me angry though, and sad, to suddenly be left out of the conversation just because I haven't been able to walk that path yet.
After the first half hour or so, though, the conversation got a little bit stuck in a loop. Someone brought up their child and the next thing you knew, for the next three hours, the conversation was almost exclusively on children and being pregnant, with slight interjects about husbands not doing their share around the house. Granted there was also a heavily pregnant lady in the room as well as a brand new momma, so of course babies would come up. But everytime the subject changed it would inevitably spin back to the conversation of children
There was something strange and uncomfortable about the whole matter. These are smart, fun, engaging women. Women who are successful in their careers - there was a banker, entrepreneurs, a nurse. Women who have brains and have lives outside of just their babies. And yet the default conversation was entirely based around current and future children, interspersed with a whole lot of "you'll sees" for the few of us who didn't have children. Like I wasn't part of the club, and wouldn't be able to fully participate in the lady talk until I cross that boundary and my opinion is somehow less valid for not being there.
It's not to say that our families shouldn't be important, because they are huge. But really? Isn't there more to us? What's up with this idea that the defining moment of our lives is our reproductive success? I feel like we should have more to talk about than just babies. I mean yes, babies, interesting and engaging and huge accomplishments but there has to be more to us.
Where was the talk about the cool hobby projects that people were into? The fact that their careers were fulfilling or engaging or even just that they enjoy leaving the house to work? Wasn't there even one single other subject that these women could have used to relate to each other than just babies?
The whole time I felt incredibly isolated. Because I can't just jump into the baby conversation without revealing some very hard things, and so if I don't know the people involved in the conversation I'm probably not going to. I don't need to turn everything into a woe is me tale. It made me angry though, and sad, to suddenly be left out of the conversation just because I haven't been able to walk that path yet.
Thursday, April 04, 2013
small forms of feminism
Feminism is a label I struggle with more than I'd like to admit. At the simplest level I identify as feminist because I truly believe that all people are created equal, and that the shape of our chromosomes shouldn't dictate how we are treated by the world and I have an issue with the fact that right now it does. What I have a hard time with is feminist expectations and how to reconcile living a life that will make me happy with a life that fights for equal rights and freedoms.
When I fit so easily into the model of the woman who cooks and cleans and sews and would be happy to be a stay at home mom it becomes even more important to do the small every day acts of equality.
Things like holding the door open for a man, when I happen to reach it first. (Seriously, the stunned looks I get at this blow my mind.) Having entertainment expenses come out of my part of the budget, so I get to be the person to whip out the debit card when we're out and about. Making Bunny take an active role in the work of changing my last name.
It's challenging the men in my life to think about the inequalities in a world. Making sure that they know that yes, sexism exists and it affects me and it affects them and it is real and problematic. It's calling them out if they say sexist things and getting them to think about their assumptions.
It's making political statements, and supporting women's rights by writing letters to my political representatives and voting with equality as a key issue. It's being aware of other forms of inequality and speaking up about them, especially when they don't affect me.
There are others, of course, things that I do and things that I don't do because they don't feel right to me. Some of them come naturally, some I stumble across and make my own and some that I try on for size and end up keeping up with. The little things matter and they count. At the end of my life I don't necessarily expect the big obvious acts to point to the fact that I'm a feminist, but I hope that when people see the small acts, the everyday ones that matter to me, that they make a difference.
What are your quiet acts of feminism, the ones that aren't large and obvious but you hope make a difference in people's lives?
When I fit so easily into the model of the woman who cooks and cleans and sews and would be happy to be a stay at home mom it becomes even more important to do the small every day acts of equality.
Things like holding the door open for a man, when I happen to reach it first. (Seriously, the stunned looks I get at this blow my mind.) Having entertainment expenses come out of my part of the budget, so I get to be the person to whip out the debit card when we're out and about. Making Bunny take an active role in the work of changing my last name.
It's challenging the men in my life to think about the inequalities in a world. Making sure that they know that yes, sexism exists and it affects me and it affects them and it is real and problematic. It's calling them out if they say sexist things and getting them to think about their assumptions.
It's making political statements, and supporting women's rights by writing letters to my political representatives and voting with equality as a key issue. It's being aware of other forms of inequality and speaking up about them, especially when they don't affect me.
There are others, of course, things that I do and things that I don't do because they don't feel right to me. Some of them come naturally, some I stumble across and make my own and some that I try on for size and end up keeping up with. The little things matter and they count. At the end of my life I don't necessarily expect the big obvious acts to point to the fact that I'm a feminist, but I hope that when people see the small acts, the everyday ones that matter to me, that they make a difference.
What are your quiet acts of feminism, the ones that aren't large and obvious but you hope make a difference in people's lives?
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
tattoos
On my left wrist is a small, black infinity symbol designed to look like a snake eating its own tail. I don't even like snakes, and yet midway through university I paid to have this etched into my skin forever. Perhaps this is one of my favourite pieces of art, I love the shape of the snake's fangs, I love the motion portrayed in the body. Everything about this I love. It also helps that I considered this tattoo for a good several years before I committed.
It's every bit addictive as people say, but even for someone who enjoys bits of body art I'm aware of its permanence. Which doesn't bother me, really, my body is scarred and marked and stretched: skin is by nature permanent and why should I ever regret putting a piece of art on myself? I have plenty of permanent marks that I would wish away if I could, my tattoos do not fit that bill.
As soon as the last puncture of the tattoo gun was completed, I began contemplating my next tattoo. Upon the completion of our last exam we simultaneously had the word surgite, our university's motto, scrawled across our ankles. Since that moment I have been thinking constantly about what comes next.
For years my mind has been playing with the image of a shooting star. Lately it has been more on my mind than usual, and I'm coming to think that it will be next. That perhaps it will mean more than how pretty it is to me, perhaps it will also mark the fleetingness of life and loss and will symbolize the pregnancy that was gone so soon after I found out about it. A star blazing across the sky. That while beauty in this world can be gone all too soon it's still there, it still exists, and it is still a small form of magic.
Thinking about the small pile of allowance money I have saved, parting with a week or two's worth on this seems worth it. The idea has been settling into my mind and it seems more real and more right. It feels like me like something that belongs on my skin. Of course there's still plenty to do: choose a final design, choose a size, choose a location, find a local tattoo artist that I like.
There's time, though. My skin isn't going anywhere. As long as I'm here, so is it.
It's every bit addictive as people say, but even for someone who enjoys bits of body art I'm aware of its permanence. Which doesn't bother me, really, my body is scarred and marked and stretched: skin is by nature permanent and why should I ever regret putting a piece of art on myself? I have plenty of permanent marks that I would wish away if I could, my tattoos do not fit that bill.
As soon as the last puncture of the tattoo gun was completed, I began contemplating my next tattoo. Upon the completion of our last exam we simultaneously had the word surgite, our university's motto, scrawled across our ankles. Since that moment I have been thinking constantly about what comes next.
For years my mind has been playing with the image of a shooting star. Lately it has been more on my mind than usual, and I'm coming to think that it will be next. That perhaps it will mean more than how pretty it is to me, perhaps it will also mark the fleetingness of life and loss and will symbolize the pregnancy that was gone so soon after I found out about it. A star blazing across the sky. That while beauty in this world can be gone all too soon it's still there, it still exists, and it is still a small form of magic.
Thinking about the small pile of allowance money I have saved, parting with a week or two's worth on this seems worth it. The idea has been settling into my mind and it seems more real and more right. It feels like me like something that belongs on my skin. Of course there's still plenty to do: choose a final design, choose a size, choose a location, find a local tattoo artist that I like.
There's time, though. My skin isn't going anywhere. As long as I'm here, so is it.
Friday, March 29, 2013
tv weekend
I'm not usually all about what's on TV tonight. Mostly, television in my house is background noise while I'm doing something else, and even when I do put the TV on I need to have something to do with my hands. (Thus, the quilting and crocheting and cross stitch and everything).
But! This weekend two of my favourite shows come back from hiatus. Tomorrow we get a long awaited dose of the Doctor and the very teased about search for Clara Oswin Oswald when Doctor Who returns. Seriously I could not be more excited about that. (If I had to choose just one show for the rest of my life it just might be Doctor Who, but that's a hard call.)
Then on Sunday I get a dose of Game of Thrones coming back. Which also means a busy day at work, because everyone needs HBO now. Of course given that I've read the books I already know what happens but they've been telling the story so brilliantly that I can't wait to see how things are portrayed.
What are your favourite shows? Do you get much screen time, or save it for just a few special things?
But! This weekend two of my favourite shows come back from hiatus. Tomorrow we get a long awaited dose of the Doctor and the very teased about search for Clara Oswin Oswald when Doctor Who returns. Seriously I could not be more excited about that. (If I had to choose just one show for the rest of my life it just might be Doctor Who, but that's a hard call.)
Then on Sunday I get a dose of Game of Thrones coming back. Which also means a busy day at work, because everyone needs HBO now. Of course given that I've read the books I already know what happens but they've been telling the story so brilliantly that I can't wait to see how things are portrayed.
What are your favourite shows? Do you get much screen time, or save it for just a few special things?
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
please don't steal my naps (a rant)
Listen, I understand that you're nosy. Heck, I can be nosy too. I understand it to an extent. It annoys me, but whatever I can get over it. I just stop answering when the questions get overly annoying, superfluous and invasive because that's the only thing that seems to work.
But seriously, seriously this was a new low. I mean I really just don't know what to make of this. The answer to your question should have been self evident. I just don't understand what was at work in your brain here.
Waking someone up from a nap to ask "What are you doing?" Really? Really? I'm napping, that's what I'm doing. Or I was, until you woke me up and I was no longer able to nap.
Had you had follow up questions, or something you needed to talk to me about it might have made sense. If you had been expressing a concern or trying to tell me I'd been asleep too long I would have been annoyed but I would have understood. But there was nothing after this. Just waking me up to ask what I was doing.
The answer was self evident. I was taking a nap. You know, that thing where it's not bedtime but you're sleeping anyway because you're tired and you can? I wanted to nap for longer, too, but once you woke me up I couldn't get back to sleep. What good is half a nap? I'm never going to get that other half back now. Nap stealer.
But seriously, seriously this was a new low. I mean I really just don't know what to make of this. The answer to your question should have been self evident. I just don't understand what was at work in your brain here.
Waking someone up from a nap to ask "What are you doing?" Really? Really? I'm napping, that's what I'm doing. Or I was, until you woke me up and I was no longer able to nap.
Had you had follow up questions, or something you needed to talk to me about it might have made sense. If you had been expressing a concern or trying to tell me I'd been asleep too long I would have been annoyed but I would have understood. But there was nothing after this. Just waking me up to ask what I was doing.
The answer was self evident. I was taking a nap. You know, that thing where it's not bedtime but you're sleeping anyway because you're tired and you can? I wanted to nap for longer, too, but once you woke me up I couldn't get back to sleep. What good is half a nap? I'm never going to get that other half back now. Nap stealer.
Monday, February 18, 2013
bit of this, bit of that
The last week or so while working on my myriad of projects nothing has really gotten finished but a lot has gotten accomplished. Little bits and pieces of randomness have been picked up so that I can move to the next step on the important projects.
I've been doing some semi-serious reading, tackling the first third of Jim Holt's Why the World Exists. Which also reminded me that when people ask what you're reading, replying with "oh, just some light metaphysics" causes them to look at you like you've grown a second head. Metaphysics isn't particularly light in any case, but given that most of the concepts covered in the book aren't new to me and it's so far an exploration of various explanations of existence and nothingness I feel safe calling it "light" for now. It's also got me itching to go dig out my book boxes from the garage and pick up some "heavier" metaphysics, and reminded me of a few philosophers whose work I want to read more closely. It's a little exhilarating to be excited by philosophy again. To have given time the chance to work its magic and work my way through the burn out that partially stopped me from pursuing grad school. (Well, burn out and health issues and new love and fear of more debt all contributed, but still).
In the quilting world, I've picked up the bits and pieces that will allow me to move forward on actually quilting the baby quilt. It's measured and ironed and I have curved safety pins and plans to pick up the batting tomorrow. I've also sewn my way through a couple more blocks of my scrappy Trip Along quilt and done some cutting for the next two. I'm planning on picking up a couple of paler, more solidly coloured fat quarters to round out the next few blocks after these. The pace is driving me a little nuts, but that's the nature of hand sewing everything.
I also finally located two things that have been driving me nuts. My orchid cross stitch had been languising behind Bunny's table, and while it will still probably be only slow going to finish the piece at least I know where it is. Similarly, I found my short, bamboo knitting needles. Like I need another project, right? Except I do. I need a work appropriate project, and the mindless work of a scarf is pretty perfect for those unexpected lulls that tend to come at work, and if I need to stop on a dime I can. (My boss is pretty cool with crafting at our desks when we're don't have a customer to help and there's a lot of this that goes on in my office. Cross stitching and quilting are both a little bit fussy for work, but knitting is totally appropriate.) I'm also slowly moving my small scraps into a little scrap box my mom handed on over. I still need to figure out something for my larger scraps, but at least I have a place to put the smallest salvagable scraps.
Kitchenwise, it's been a crapshoot. With my hip acting up it's been hard to spend enough time in there to really do the cooking I want to and things like risotto and soups have fallen by the wayside. I've mostly been the kitchen director and we've had a lot of meals where everyone contributes a bit of the labour and I've orchestrated the whole thing lately. I'm starting to feel a little more as if I can stand for fifteen minutes at a time, though, and took advantage of the chance to do a lot of prep work for the next few days.
I've also fit in a trip through the city to do some shoe shopping for a close friend's wedding with the rest of the bridal party and it's pretty nice to have fit in some super social time. Plus, thanks to the government giving us an extra stat holiday a year or two back we've got plans to visit some other friends in the city next weekend. Lots of good social stuff.
I've been doing some semi-serious reading, tackling the first third of Jim Holt's Why the World Exists. Which also reminded me that when people ask what you're reading, replying with "oh, just some light metaphysics" causes them to look at you like you've grown a second head. Metaphysics isn't particularly light in any case, but given that most of the concepts covered in the book aren't new to me and it's so far an exploration of various explanations of existence and nothingness I feel safe calling it "light" for now. It's also got me itching to go dig out my book boxes from the garage and pick up some "heavier" metaphysics, and reminded me of a few philosophers whose work I want to read more closely. It's a little exhilarating to be excited by philosophy again. To have given time the chance to work its magic and work my way through the burn out that partially stopped me from pursuing grad school. (Well, burn out and health issues and new love and fear of more debt all contributed, but still).
In the quilting world, I've picked up the bits and pieces that will allow me to move forward on actually quilting the baby quilt. It's measured and ironed and I have curved safety pins and plans to pick up the batting tomorrow. I've also sewn my way through a couple more blocks of my scrappy Trip Along quilt and done some cutting for the next two. I'm planning on picking up a couple of paler, more solidly coloured fat quarters to round out the next few blocks after these. The pace is driving me a little nuts, but that's the nature of hand sewing everything.
I also finally located two things that have been driving me nuts. My orchid cross stitch had been languising behind Bunny's table, and while it will still probably be only slow going to finish the piece at least I know where it is. Similarly, I found my short, bamboo knitting needles. Like I need another project, right? Except I do. I need a work appropriate project, and the mindless work of a scarf is pretty perfect for those unexpected lulls that tend to come at work, and if I need to stop on a dime I can. (My boss is pretty cool with crafting at our desks when we're don't have a customer to help and there's a lot of this that goes on in my office. Cross stitching and quilting are both a little bit fussy for work, but knitting is totally appropriate.) I'm also slowly moving my small scraps into a little scrap box my mom handed on over. I still need to figure out something for my larger scraps, but at least I have a place to put the smallest salvagable scraps.
Kitchenwise, it's been a crapshoot. With my hip acting up it's been hard to spend enough time in there to really do the cooking I want to and things like risotto and soups have fallen by the wayside. I've mostly been the kitchen director and we've had a lot of meals where everyone contributes a bit of the labour and I've orchestrated the whole thing lately. I'm starting to feel a little more as if I can stand for fifteen minutes at a time, though, and took advantage of the chance to do a lot of prep work for the next few days.
I've also fit in a trip through the city to do some shoe shopping for a close friend's wedding with the rest of the bridal party and it's pretty nice to have fit in some super social time. Plus, thanks to the government giving us an extra stat holiday a year or two back we've got plans to visit some other friends in the city next weekend. Lots of good social stuff.
Friday, February 08, 2013
sunshine
Last month the PMS hit me hard. I was stressed out, I was trying not to focus so hard on the fact that it had been a whole six months since the miscarriage, I was struggling to hit some targets at work, and then I was late. Way late.
For a solid two weeks I was a moody mess. There was a lot of crying, and while I almost always cry when I'm PMSing it's pretty predictable: I have one day where I feel like I'm going to cry for no reason whatsoever then BAM! something hits and there it goes. Instead I cried at work because I had to deal with a string of nasty people all in a two hour time period (which was humiliating, though my coworkers had expected me to freak out long before I did) and then I had a meltdown over the budget right after telling Bunny everything was going to be ok.
Once my body finally started acting normal again, it was like I could finally see the sun coming out above me in the sky. I was able to pull out of the crazy mess that was my own head and enjoy life again; I started hitting out amazing days at work that culminated in the best month I've closed at the job to date, I started answering my emails and text messages from friends the same day I reached them, and I started to get some perspective to be able to deal with more trying living situations in order to get to the big picture goals longer. I got involved in the book I was reading and when I finished that I quickly buried myself in a new one. I was able to put in time on some craft projects. The hours I was working ended up with me putting in some significant kitchen time and making some great dishes.
Life feels good, again. I feel like my best self. And I'm so very, very confused. In the midst of my messy, hormonal state we had a lot of discussions about what we want to achieve in the next couple years of our life. A money source that had dried up for the past six months reopened and looks like it's staying that way for the next while, and suddenly the financial goals seem doable in a reasonable timeframe. I took a hard look at our expenses from the past year and figured out just why our savings hadn't grown like we'd hoped (medical expenses, buying a bridesmaid dress, car maintainence, excessive thank you gift for my Mom, Christmas and getting married all took a toll on the savings) and we realized that things had turned around in our savings plan.
We've still got a lot of questions. A lot of timing to work out. A lot of being unsure over what the best thing for us is right now, and later, and how we'll get there. How much effort to put into certain things and how much to hold back. There's a balance I'm trying to come up with, and sometimes it's hard. But we're working on it.
For a solid two weeks I was a moody mess. There was a lot of crying, and while I almost always cry when I'm PMSing it's pretty predictable: I have one day where I feel like I'm going to cry for no reason whatsoever then BAM! something hits and there it goes. Instead I cried at work because I had to deal with a string of nasty people all in a two hour time period (which was humiliating, though my coworkers had expected me to freak out long before I did) and then I had a meltdown over the budget right after telling Bunny everything was going to be ok.
Once my body finally started acting normal again, it was like I could finally see the sun coming out above me in the sky. I was able to pull out of the crazy mess that was my own head and enjoy life again; I started hitting out amazing days at work that culminated in the best month I've closed at the job to date, I started answering my emails and text messages from friends the same day I reached them, and I started to get some perspective to be able to deal with more trying living situations in order to get to the big picture goals longer. I got involved in the book I was reading and when I finished that I quickly buried myself in a new one. I was able to put in time on some craft projects. The hours I was working ended up with me putting in some significant kitchen time and making some great dishes.
Life feels good, again. I feel like my best self. And I'm so very, very confused. In the midst of my messy, hormonal state we had a lot of discussions about what we want to achieve in the next couple years of our life. A money source that had dried up for the past six months reopened and looks like it's staying that way for the next while, and suddenly the financial goals seem doable in a reasonable timeframe. I took a hard look at our expenses from the past year and figured out just why our savings hadn't grown like we'd hoped (medical expenses, buying a bridesmaid dress, car maintainence, excessive thank you gift for my Mom, Christmas and getting married all took a toll on the savings) and we realized that things had turned around in our savings plan.
We've still got a lot of questions. A lot of timing to work out. A lot of being unsure over what the best thing for us is right now, and later, and how we'll get there. How much effort to put into certain things and how much to hold back. There's a balance I'm trying to come up with, and sometimes it's hard. But we're working on it.
Monday, January 14, 2013
projects: keeping on track
When it comes to crafting I am an absolutely brilliant project starter. Finishing, well that would be my weak point. This would be well exemplified by the pile of cross stitches that are unfinished and unframed (but I swear I will get at least two of them framed this year), the half complete orchid cross stitch I've been working on for awhile, the almost complete but unstuffed pillows sitting in my craft box and the finished quilt top that has yet to be sandwiched and quilted.
With all those on the go, starting that baby quilt was jumping the gun a little, and I'm at the point where I'm already working on sashing and borders. So buying new fabric was probably overkill. Especially since I was just given some new fabric for Christmas (although the print sizes make it difficult to decide what to do with it). I did it though, I bought some stash fabric. It's a really cute, fun jelly roll that of about eight co-ordinating prints, two of which match the fabric for the living room pillows. I've got a few different idea for the fabric, and while I know it's going to be something simple I haven't quite decided if they'll be something more like a log cabin or a granny square.
My saving grace is that I've been wanting to establish a bit of a fabric stash. At least I can say the acquisition was planned. (I even put it in my "goals" for the year, so I've got to be covered on this one.) It'd be nice to be able to have some fabrics on hand when I want to work on a little project, like a quilted pillow, or even when I want to do some scrappy stuff. The fact that they match the pillows just made it impossible to say no. The fabrics work with our couch and the pillows for our couch, so it's kind of exciting to think we'll have co-ordinating textiles in the living room one day. Plus, I had a gift card to Wal-mart so I wasn't really spending money. (Wait, does that excuse actually work?)
I've got to keep focused with all these projects and half finished projects on the go, otherwise nothing will get done. Luckily I've got a bit of a deadline going with the baby quilt that's helping keep me on track, though I'm still getting awfully distracted. It's like project ADD: right when I'm in the middle of a quilt, I'll get distracted by the need to make macarons and then I should really work on the cross stitch, and then I haven't done any reading in days and I really want to know what happens in the next chapter of my book, then I realize I never wrote up anything about the macarons so I need to go do that, and by the time that's done and I'm ready to go back to quilting I'm ready to start something new. Focus and follow through are not always my strong points.
Are you a finisher? How do you keep on track with projects and hobbies? Do you often have multiple things on the go?
With all those on the go, starting that baby quilt was jumping the gun a little, and I'm at the point where I'm already working on sashing and borders. So buying new fabric was probably overkill. Especially since I was just given some new fabric for Christmas (although the print sizes make it difficult to decide what to do with it). I did it though, I bought some stash fabric. It's a really cute, fun jelly roll that of about eight co-ordinating prints, two of which match the fabric for the living room pillows. I've got a few different idea for the fabric, and while I know it's going to be something simple I haven't quite decided if they'll be something more like a log cabin or a granny square.
My saving grace is that I've been wanting to establish a bit of a fabric stash. At least I can say the acquisition was planned. (I even put it in my "goals" for the year, so I've got to be covered on this one.) It'd be nice to be able to have some fabrics on hand when I want to work on a little project, like a quilted pillow, or even when I want to do some scrappy stuff. The fact that they match the pillows just made it impossible to say no. The fabrics work with our couch and the pillows for our couch, so it's kind of exciting to think we'll have co-ordinating textiles in the living room one day. Plus, I had a gift card to Wal-mart so I wasn't really spending money. (Wait, does that excuse actually work?)
I've got to keep focused with all these projects and half finished projects on the go, otherwise nothing will get done. Luckily I've got a bit of a deadline going with the baby quilt that's helping keep me on track, though I'm still getting awfully distracted. It's like project ADD: right when I'm in the middle of a quilt, I'll get distracted by the need to make macarons and then I should really work on the cross stitch, and then I haven't done any reading in days and I really want to know what happens in the next chapter of my book, then I realize I never wrote up anything about the macarons so I need to go do that, and by the time that's done and I'm ready to go back to quilting I'm ready to start something new. Focus and follow through are not always my strong points.
Are you a finisher? How do you keep on track with projects and hobbies? Do you often have multiple things on the go?
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
new year
Happy New Year!
I know a lot of people do a "year in review" type post around now, either going through the highlights and lowlights of the year or giving a month by month recap. That's not really my things, but 2012 does deserve some sort of recognition and send off.
Some of the moments of the year I wouldn't trade for anything. Getting married, if nothing else, made the year worthwhile. A lot of things I could have done without. (I could have done with a lot less death and loss, and I'm quite happy that a year that contained more of that than I've seen in my life is over.)
It's the year where the world didn't end, and turning on the news made me cry for the first time in a decade. It was a year of more change than I really had any clue how to handle.
It's not a year that's easily summed up, but if I had to try what I'd say is this: 2012 has been the most challenging year in my life, and has forced me to grow in ways I never knew I could. I would never want another year like it, but there was magic.
I know a lot of people do a "year in review" type post around now, either going through the highlights and lowlights of the year or giving a month by month recap. That's not really my things, but 2012 does deserve some sort of recognition and send off.
Some of the moments of the year I wouldn't trade for anything. Getting married, if nothing else, made the year worthwhile. A lot of things I could have done without. (I could have done with a lot less death and loss, and I'm quite happy that a year that contained more of that than I've seen in my life is over.)
It's the year where the world didn't end, and turning on the news made me cry for the first time in a decade. It was a year of more change than I really had any clue how to handle.
It's not a year that's easily summed up, but if I had to try what I'd say is this: 2012 has been the most challenging year in my life, and has forced me to grow in ways I never knew I could. I would never want another year like it, but there was magic.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
wanting the babies, now
I talk less about the fact that I want to have a baby than I do about the fact that I had a miscarriage. The miscarriage is a done deal, now it's just dealing with the physical and emotional aftermath. For me that's a million times easier than thinking about getting pregnant, and waiting to get pregnant, and trying to get pregnant. There's nothing I can do about that process (beyond what I'm already doing), so I've just got to let go and let life happen.
There are a lot of reasons why we want to have the babies now rather than later. But the fact is that while the chance to be a young mom has passed me by, I don't want to be an older mom having babies. I want to be done with making the babies in my early thirties. More than that, I want Bunny to be around for all the big milestones of their lives, if possible.
In some ways part of what hurt so much about the miscarriage was the fear that it took the possibility of being a young-ish mother away from me.
This article from a couple weeks back on Slate gets to a lot of what my fears are. Of course, if it took my seven years to have a baby I'd still want one (I think) and what's right for me and my family isn't what's right for anyone else.
There are a lot of reasons why we want to have the babies now rather than later. But the fact is that while the chance to be a young mom has passed me by, I don't want to be an older mom having babies. I want to be done with making the babies in my early thirties. More than that, I want Bunny to be around for all the big milestones of their lives, if possible.
In some ways part of what hurt so much about the miscarriage was the fear that it took the possibility of being a young-ish mother away from me.
This article from a couple weeks back on Slate gets to a lot of what my fears are. Of course, if it took my seven years to have a baby I'd still want one (I think) and what's right for me and my family isn't what's right for anyone else.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
lagging (the eternal to do list)
This week it feels like I'm behind on everything. I'm tired and busy and my to do list is buzzing in the back of my head. There are so many things I want to do and get done but working nights for the week kind of makes my day seem useless.
I've still got to do something with all the financial data Bunny and I put together the other week, and I'm hunting for a few missing pieces. (Two specific bills did not make it onto this list, and they need to be there). The actual budget needs to be created, because while our current spending is well below our income there's a lot of improvements we could make, I just need to get the system together.
Then there's the mess that is the marriage certificate I have yet to send away for, that I finally can send away for. As in the piece of paper that I need to officially begin the name change process, which we're planning on doing before we open a joint account. (And I have to take a look at our accounts, interest rates and monthly fees to figure out what we need in an account - luckily Bunny's cousin works at our bank, so she'll help me out with that one.) Then there's the whole "change my name" which is a boatload of paperwork.
Those are the big things. Then there's the little things, like the two book reviews I've yet to write up here and some design updates I keep promising myself that I will get to soon and that I've yet to touch. There's the baking projects I want to tackle (like those caramels, that just won't leave my brain).
Christmas shopping is still looming in my future, and I hate to admit December has hit and I haven't even started. Hopefully by the time this post goes live I'll have something done. I just can't decide what to get Bunny, and my mom and brother are hard to buy for.
And there's the next step on project quilting. I'm about an hour's worth of stitching or less away from finishing the quilt top, and I've got some shopping I'll need to do this weekend to get started on the actual quilting (I still need to pick up the batting and some quilter's pins, but that's easy enough). I'm also working on finalizing the design for the baby quilt that I'm starting next; I have it mostly figured out and I think it's largely going to be a pinwheel design, it's just figuring out sizing and details and finalizing fabric choices. I may start in on the baby quilt before I'm actually done the first one, just because I'm nervous about timing. It needs to be done before the baby is here, you know?
All of this of course leaves little to no time for a social life, and I'm trying to work that back into things. It's hard being so far from my friends.
Today about all that's going to happen is work, and maybe laundry. Hopefully this weekend I won't feel so behind.
I've still got to do something with all the financial data Bunny and I put together the other week, and I'm hunting for a few missing pieces. (Two specific bills did not make it onto this list, and they need to be there). The actual budget needs to be created, because while our current spending is well below our income there's a lot of improvements we could make, I just need to get the system together.
Then there's the mess that is the marriage certificate I have yet to send away for, that I finally can send away for. As in the piece of paper that I need to officially begin the name change process, which we're planning on doing before we open a joint account. (And I have to take a look at our accounts, interest rates and monthly fees to figure out what we need in an account - luckily Bunny's cousin works at our bank, so she'll help me out with that one.) Then there's the whole "change my name" which is a boatload of paperwork.
Those are the big things. Then there's the little things, like the two book reviews I've yet to write up here and some design updates I keep promising myself that I will get to soon and that I've yet to touch. There's the baking projects I want to tackle (like those caramels, that just won't leave my brain).
Christmas shopping is still looming in my future, and I hate to admit December has hit and I haven't even started. Hopefully by the time this post goes live I'll have something done. I just can't decide what to get Bunny, and my mom and brother are hard to buy for.
And there's the next step on project quilting. I'm about an hour's worth of stitching or less away from finishing the quilt top, and I've got some shopping I'll need to do this weekend to get started on the actual quilting (I still need to pick up the batting and some quilter's pins, but that's easy enough). I'm also working on finalizing the design for the baby quilt that I'm starting next; I have it mostly figured out and I think it's largely going to be a pinwheel design, it's just figuring out sizing and details and finalizing fabric choices. I may start in on the baby quilt before I'm actually done the first one, just because I'm nervous about timing. It needs to be done before the baby is here, you know?
All of this of course leaves little to no time for a social life, and I'm trying to work that back into things. It's hard being so far from my friends.
Today about all that's going to happen is work, and maybe laundry. Hopefully this weekend I won't feel so behind.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
unwinding
This past weekend was a little busier than normal and with that I feel like I've had absolutely nothing done. Usually, when I have a full weekend off, Bunny and I try to keep our errands and social activities to one day and just relax and enjoy each other's company the other. This time? That didn't happen.
Saturday was busy with errands. We went looking for a winter coat for Bunny and winter boots for me, and while we didn't buy any we found some good contenders for both of us. We visited about half of the city. After that we went over to a cousin's for dinner, and we had an all night laugh along with the extended Rabbit family. (I also got a sneak peek in Bunny's aunt's craft stash, because we're really the only sewing crafts enthusiasts in the family. I'm also maybe getting an afghan made for me. I'm only a little excited about this.)
Sunday was, if anything, even more social. It's hard trying to fit in socializing when all your friends live an hour away by car, minimum (and I don't drive). So Bunny drove us in to Toronto and we split up to spend the day with our university roommates. Neither of us did anything fancy - just hanging out and recharging our friendships which was perfect.
With all that, though, by the time Monday rolled around not only was I exhausted but I felt like I hadn't done a single thing this weekend. I certainly hadn't touched either of the baking projects I've been lusting over (home made caramels, and bailey's butterscotch blondies - these both will be made soon). I'd thrown a load of laundry into the washer, but completely missed putting it in the dryer, so it needed to be done twice. I did get a little bit of sewing done on the quilt (I'm overwhelmed by how little is left to complete the quilt top) and a fair bit of reading.
It makes no sense that after having a busy weekend I feel utterly unaccomplished, but it's the truth. The quiet times are when I Get Things Done, and I just didn't have those this week. Luckily I have a mid-week day off to recharge. My plans are to do nothing (except all the quiet things).
Saturday was busy with errands. We went looking for a winter coat for Bunny and winter boots for me, and while we didn't buy any we found some good contenders for both of us. We visited about half of the city. After that we went over to a cousin's for dinner, and we had an all night laugh along with the extended Rabbit family. (I also got a sneak peek in Bunny's aunt's craft stash, because we're really the only sewing crafts enthusiasts in the family. I'm also maybe getting an afghan made for me. I'm only a little excited about this.)
Sunday was, if anything, even more social. It's hard trying to fit in socializing when all your friends live an hour away by car, minimum (and I don't drive). So Bunny drove us in to Toronto and we split up to spend the day with our university roommates. Neither of us did anything fancy - just hanging out and recharging our friendships which was perfect.
With all that, though, by the time Monday rolled around not only was I exhausted but I felt like I hadn't done a single thing this weekend. I certainly hadn't touched either of the baking projects I've been lusting over (home made caramels, and bailey's butterscotch blondies - these both will be made soon). I'd thrown a load of laundry into the washer, but completely missed putting it in the dryer, so it needed to be done twice. I did get a little bit of sewing done on the quilt (I'm overwhelmed by how little is left to complete the quilt top) and a fair bit of reading.
It makes no sense that after having a busy weekend I feel utterly unaccomplished, but it's the truth. The quiet times are when I Get Things Done, and I just didn't have those this week. Luckily I have a mid-week day off to recharge. My plans are to do nothing (except all the quiet things).
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