bits and bobs

Somehow in all the crazy scheduling that has been this winter, Bunny and I have somehow managed to find a decent amount of time for fun and spontaneity. A few dinner dates, plans with friends and a very exciting, unexpected purchase.

Bunny and I really have no need for more devices. He's got a Galaxy phone, I'm about to update my crummy BlackBerry to something more functional we have a laptop for shared playing and a desktop for his work. We are all device-d out. Right?

picture nabbed from the Samsung website

Except neither of us likes the desktop for anything but work, and we both like to watch things online which ties up the laptop for ages and we always want to be on it at the same time. We'd both been thinking of spending some allowance money on a tablet but neither of us had mentioned it to the other or taken the plunge.

The only reason we went to Best Buy was to get some printer ink. I can't quite explain how we walked out of Canada Computers an hour later with the Samsung Galaxy Tab 3. But we certainly did. And I love it. Bunny started calling it my toy pretty much half an hour after he set it up, so I consider that promising.

There are still a few things the laptop is better for - streaming video on the TV, writing blog posts, adding content to my Feedly. But going through the blog reader is a lot quicker on the Tab, even though I'm still figuring out how not to drive myself nuts when leaving comments (blogger I've got down, wordpress has been a headache). I'm trying to figure out what apps we want to add to it - some sort of news app, a few more games that sort of thing.

Delaunay, Red Eiffel Tower
from the Guggenheim collection

I also made a weekend trip to the Art Gallery of Ontario with one of my besties the other weekend which was a load of fun. We needed a visit, Toronto is a convenient halfway point and it's always fun to have a little bit of cultural entertainment. Even better, there was a visiting exhibit from the Guggenheim and we managed to find two separate coupons for the whole event.

It was pretty cool. The exhibit was about art from 1910 to 1918, and while a lot of it really wasn't too my tastes personally it was amazing to see and get exposed to new artists. I've also come to the conclusion that while intellectually I can appreciate how amazing Picasso's creative process was, as well as how ground-breaking, I just don't enjoy the results. Cubism is not my bag. There was also a lot of awkwardly abstract art, I found. I had a hard time with Kandinsky - a lot of his early work seemed like it was abstract for the sake of abstraction and the whole effect seemed like a five year old could have done it. When we got to the later years he seemed to have abandoned trying to replicate things in the abstract and just painting it got really cool.

Also, I don't know how I've never found Delaunay before. Or maybe I've seen some of his work but never got his name? Either way, I loved the pieces of his that we saw and if I weren't living in my mother's basement and travelling by train I probably would have picked up a print. His work hit what for me is a sweet spot in abstraction: still recognizable, but has been given a form and fluidity that expands it past what it is representative of.

There were a few others that were interesting as well - Chagall's work was wonderful if somewhat discomforting, and Mondrian's works seemed very much to be speaking to current styles - which makes me wonder if it inspired the modern trend of colourblocking, and I could see having fun trying to recreate his work in quilt form.

Some of the commentary on the work I found odd. Particularly there was a comment that it was surprising that once the war broke out in 1914 that it was a "surprise" that some artists didn't immediately make the war their subject. It seems to me that when war is subsuming the world around you, that perhaps art would be an escape from the war, rather than an expression of it.


Then there's the general business of life: co-ordination of appointments, trying to squeeze in coffee with friends around that, running errands, getting lost nose deep in a book and cuddles with the puppy and the increasingly sucky cats (seriously, these cats have gotten needy in their old age!).

Coming up we have our meeting with our accountant to take care of the taxes - which is both scary and exciting. I'll be bringing my checkbook as we're planning on some creative money management, putting money into a retirement account for tax benefits - because we can raid said retirement account for our downpayment. Hopefully we'll be able to squeeze in a visit with my aunt afterwards - we've been trying to meet up for ages and it just hasn't worked out. One of my university friends is visiting town later in the month as well, and I'm hoping that I can manage to squeak in a coffee or lunch date and catch up.

So that's me, lately, in a nutshell. Busy but still having fun. What's everyone else been up to?

one down, seven to go (or, heading towards radio silence)

Weeks, that is, until my life is a little less hellish. That's how I'd describe my schedule right now, hellish. Not very promising?

Bunny's finishing up the last two months of in class instruction for his apprenticeship this winter. Which on the one hand is YAY! Get that beast over with and then we never have to do this again. (That's an important bit, the never have to do this again.) It's a little bit awful in a lot of ways, even if it's a good thing overall. Mostly it's awful in that alarms go off at 4:30am in my bedroom.

Have I mentioned I'm not a morning person? That I'd go to bed at 4:30am if respectability allowed it? It's not quite the wakeup call of my dreams ... but it's only temporary.

Then there's all the myriad of little complaints I can come up with if I put a little effort into it, but really? I don't need to whine about that here. We have a rough schedule for a couple months - it happens. It's all for a good cause, and it gets us one step closer to so many things - Bunny's mechanic's certification, which means more money on those paycheques, which means we get closer to buying a house, and going on vacation (more money for fabric, too?) and having a long term schedule that truly fits the family life we're striving towards.

The reason I bring it up is that I am crazy exhausted lately with all these extra demands on my time. Seriously I'm ready to go to bed before everyone else is home for dinner most nights. Which has me thinking that it might be a little quieter than usual around here until March rolls around. I could be wrong, but who knows.

bits and things

Hello! Yes, I do still exist, I promise. I've been sucked up into a vortex of sewing and being handed book after book by like-minded coworkers to read and somehow November passed me by with barely a post. Maybe I should stop apologising when that happens and just accept that life has overtaken blogging lately, and hey, that's cool. 'Cause, you know, life. It's a good thing.

So other than the obvious (sewing, reading, eating, sleeping) what have I been up to?

- I've been compulsively checking the mail box every few hours as I'm waiting for a couple of very precious parcels to arrive. Then I'll probably dance for joy a little bit.

- There's been a fair bit of tea and coffee drinking. Bunny and I picked up a generic decaf coffee for the occasional evening drink, and a few weeks back I got my paws on some amazing black tea pearls that I've been adoring for daytime drinking. (Seriously, if you're a tea drinking you need to find these. Maybe not for those who douse their tea in milk, but the perfect tea if you like a little honey or sugar. If you like green tea you might prefer this one - it's the only tea I drink without even a touch of sugar).

- I've discovered a new favourite pizza. It's wood fired, with pesto, mozzarella, bacon, potato, spinach and egg. Appropriately named the "Green Eggs and Ham". I don't even like eggs and I beg for this baby. (Also! We have a new, cheapish date place because of this.)

- Bunny and I have started Mission: Pad Thai. It's sad that we're having such trouble finding a decent pad thai where we live (to the point that I almost want to pick up take out to bring home every time we go to Toronto) and so we're planning to work our way through every Asian-inspired restaurant in town until we find something passable.

- I'm trying to decide whether to get my vacation paid out this year. I'll have used a whooping 3 days between my friend's wedding and a last minute decision to book off for Christmas Eve. Not that we're doing anything particular but it's our five year anniversary and I'd kind of like to spend it with Bunny.

- I have Christmas apathy. My mom wants to do big gifty things, as she usually does, but it seems so silly. So unnecessary, really - we're all grown adults in the family and the gift portion of Christmas is really probably a least favourite. I'm more of a surprise gifter - like hey! I found this amazing tea you'd like so I bought it for you. I'm looking forward to seeing my brother, though.

updates

The end of the whirlwind has come and it's crazy to think. My friends are married! And suddenly I have what feels like bundles of extra time - and the bride was really super reasonable and very upfront about her expectations, so I wasn't even all that drained. I guess it's just nice to have social time be catching up/hanging out with friends and not worrying about inter-city buses almost every weekend. But last weekend was so much fun I really can't complain.

All in all, I have my time back but am just struggling to catch up with my straggly bits. There are a lot of straggly bits. I've had lots of fun lately, and have lots planned coming up. What's going on around here?

- I cry at weddings, apparently. Like I cried about fifteen times. There is picture evidence of this - and lots of it. The ceremony. Speeches. Father-daughter dance (that one slayed me, as it was extra special).

- I'm reading again! The last book I tried to read was so terrible I gave up, and I've had a hard time picking up something decent. I started a new fantasy novel earlier this week though and am thoroughly absorbed.

- My niece's quilt is crazy. I can't wait to show you more pictures ... that I have, sitting on the hard drive here. I need to take more at this stage, too. I also need to post my Finish-A-Long link up.

- I need to buy new pants. Just give up and buy new pants. Nothing fits, and after seeing pictures from last weekend I realized I really don't need to be stressing about my weight. I look just fine, thank you.

- My nephew is so cute! Baby cuddles make any day better.

whirlwind

The last month or so has been crazy busy 'round here. Crazy expensive too, really, but that was planned and budgeted for. I'm pretty much so tired I can't think straight, but as of the end of September I'll have my life back to myself.

We're in the home stretch to my best friend's wedding, which has been taking up a lot of my time lately. Lots of running around with last minute business - finding a local seamstress, trying not to freak out over the fact that David's Bridal left no seam allowance in my dress and my alterations ended up being a little more substantial than just "letting the seams out an inch" - because there wasn't an inch to let out. I picked that up over the weekend, so that's done.

Work's been crazy lately. It's a busy time of year and that's been reflected in scheduling and leaving me super drained. I'm pretty unhappy with the number of hours they're giving me and if things don't let up soon I may in fact lose it.

Luckily, I have stress relievers. We're re-watching Doctor Who in the evening while I sew (although we're nearing the end) and running next door for a hit of cute baby crack is always guaranteed to make me smile. The little man is growing like crazy and the things he can do are mind blowing. Plus, seeing my macho man husband turn to marshmallow goo any time he gets near the baby just melts my heart. He's gooey with the baby. For realz.

Plus, it's motorcycle season which means I get race weekend. Nothing is quite as good as that.

catch up

Well, I just dropped off the face of the earth there, didn't I?

And the question you've all been wondering I'm sure, is what happened? Well, the usual really. 42. Life, the universe, and everything. Being busy. Snuggling my nephew, getting input from my niece on her quilt, late nights cuddling and sewing, friend visits. Nothing out of the ordinary, but the ordinary certainly filled my days.

When your days are same old, same old day in and day out there's not always much to share really. Even when the things that you're doing with your time are fun and enjoyable.

I've also been busy trying to get my few last minute things together for my friend's wedding at the end of the month. And while I'm very happy to get to be part of it all, and for the two of them, I'll be glad when the whole event is over, really. One less to do to be concerned about.

I'm hoping to have some more updates, and pictures, and reviews and a recipe or two here soon - they're in the works, I promise. But life's kind of got a hold of me. You know how it goes.

what a weekend

This past weekend was one that was a bit too rough, and too busy for my liking. I like my weekends quiet and relaxing, full of plenty of time to sew and bake and run around and get errands done with Bunny. There was none of that this weekend, and while a lot of the stuff was good there was really just too much going on.

It also doesn't help that Bunny and I both threw hissy fits on two separate days, because that's just exhausting for both of us. I had a bit of a crying jag Friday night about how we were talking about handling more school for Bunny. The school bit is totally necessary and while I'm not thrilled with it, I knew it was coming. Very suddenly I realized that I wasn't ok with our original plan for how we were planning on handling the whole process and the next thing you know, boom crying and freaking out. Sunday while we were on the road out of town one of Bunny's electric cigarettes started acting up and he followed up with a temper tantrum of his own. The combination of the two tells you a lot about how long and stressful our weekend was, actually.

Other than that? We had a family picnic and a wedding shower to attend. The picnic was nice enough - I like Bunny's family. I started feeling sick part way through, though, and ended up lying down in the truck the last couple hours. And as much as I like Bunny's family its always a little weird and overwhelming for me, probably because my mom's side of the family is tiny (like, three people tiny) and I haven't had a relationship with the other side of my family in years and years. It was good, though, and apparently there is a wedding coming up in the future.

The shower ended up being a lot more fun than anticipated. It was still a bridal shower with all the awkwardness that entails but it was (thankfully) smaller than I'm used to, which made it significantly less overwhelming. Plus, I already knew the whole friends-of-the-bride contingent, and we all get along well so I had a good time. Then Bunny surprised me by picking me up at the end, which was a lovely treat.

Friday night we also had a decent night out, trying an Indian place in town. It's hard too find too much in the way of ethnic cuisine here - my city, while having over 100,000, has the demographic makeup of a tiny rural town. The food was really good, and quality wise would have stood against pretty much any Indian place in Toronto. Way overpriced, though, which is a product of just how hard it is to find any of this variety here - there's no competition. It wasn't an expensive meal out, exactly, but most of the dishes were double what they cost at almost any other decent Indian place I've been to. But oh the aloo mattar was good, and that's my favourite. So I was happy, really.

And just like that, the weekend's over and it's the start of a whole brand new week at work. How does that happen?

Alphabets

Tania Elizabeth over at Varekai tagged me here, and I had to play along. Anyone else remember when the internet was new and email "surveys" were constantly passed around between friends? Or was that just me? Either way, nostalgia demands I participate.

A: Attached or Single: Firmly attached. My husband is the best.
B: Best Friend: Different friends for different things, and the levels of closeness wax and wane. I'd probably say my university roommate is my best friend though, excepting Bunny.
C: Cake or Pie: If they're just average, cake. Middling pie is always disappointing, but even average cake is delightful. Properly made pie, though, is a work of edible art.
D: Day of Choice: I'm a fan of Thursdays. The was enrichment "classes" (or, goof off in the library time) in elementary school/ In high school that was band and orchestra practice. My favourite classes were Thursday nights in university. And then I did get married on a Thursday.
E: Essential Item: My glasses. I'm useless without them. Anything else I can get by without, even though I might not like it.
F: Favorite Color: I'm indecisive. Different colours interest me at different times.
G: Gummy  Bears or Worms: Gummy cola bottles, actually. Although right now they make my teeth hurt.
H: Hometown: I was born in Toronto and lived there the first few years of life. It's where my soul sings. But I currently live where I grew up.
I: Favorite Indulgence: Hazelnut lattes. They're expensive and utterly delightful. I can't wait to get my espresso machine back in business when we move.
J: January or July: I'm not a fan of either, really. January in central Ontario is disgustingly cold and snowy, and July is awful and muggy.
K: Kids: I adore my nephew and am trying to give any other thought to children this month. But man is he cute.
L: Life Isn’t Complete Without: Death. I'm morbid, but that's what signals that your life is, literally, complete.
M: Marriage Date: August 23.
N: Number of Handbags: I have about half a dozen, two of which are really good ones. I'm hoping to pick up a nice tan or white one this year, actually.
O: Oranges or Apples: I'm not actually a fan of fruit. But apples can be delightful when I'm in  the mood, and make scrumptious desserts. I don't like the membranes of citrus.
P: Phobias: All of them? Not being able to breathe. Being trapped in anything (a turtleneck can make me cry, and I've been known to throw a panic attack over a too-small ring) and alternative spaces that are too large and empty.
Q: Quote: "Reach for the moon, even if you miss you will land among the stars" Les Brown
R: Reason to Smile: Puppy cuddles
S: Season of Choice: Autumn
T: Tag 5 People: If you'd like to play consider yourself tagged
U: Unknown Fact About Me: I'm not convinced that the physical world actually exists.
V: Vegetable: I'm a fan of cruciferous greens. Broccoli and Brussels sprouts.
W: Worst Habit: Little nervous habit? That would be nail biting. Other than that, I'm not sure though there are many things I do that are objectively worse, I'm just not sure what exactly would be my worst.
X: X-ray or Ultrasound: I'm radioactive.
Y: Your Favorite Food: See the letter V. Seriously.
Z: Zodiac Sign: Taurus.

off track

You know those weekends that roll by in a blur, and while you get lots done and probably enjoyed yourself, but you're not quite sure because you haven't had enough time to process things? This was one of those. We did make a point of having a dinner date (poutine!) on Friday night after work, which has to count for something.

Around the house stuff got finished - laundry put away, kitty litter cleaned, I tidied up the basement and such.

Saturday consisted of my second driving lesson (turning! I can turn! and it's fun!) and a couple of miscellaneous errands in the morning, followed by the baby shower. A couple hours filled with lots of people and kind of centred around, well, babies. I officially said goodbye to the baby quilt (though I will go back and get a photograph of us, and it's just living next door) but it's definitely on its way to a good home. After, we went back to my mother in law's and spent some more time with the family before running away to get some quiet time ... and some Doctor Who.

Sunday was out of town errands. Nowhere excessive, but we needed to get out to the flea market for some nicotine fluid for Bunny's e-cab and made a stop in at the quilting shop in the town nearby to price out batting and scope out fabrics for my next project. Then it was home so Bunny could get some solid hours of freelance in (and I got a bunch of around the house stuff done).

We did have some relaxing time. I got some sewing done and officially decided that I'm going for 20 blocks on the Scrappy Trip quilt which just leaves these last four to go, and means I'll be working on it awhile longer. We also stopped and checked in for Doctor Who on Saturday night and took an online visit to Jerez, Spain for a GP race. We'll catch up on the rest of the classes over the rest of the week. Thank goodness I was gifted a surprise three day weekend from work with how crazy everything's been.


Tomorrow it's back to the grind for the last full week of the month at work. It's all cylinders go there, and this time of month there's a lot of pressure with sales targets and no chances to make up for a bad day. Time is just zipping by lately.

update on the cats

Cast of Characters:

• Moetzel (Bunny's cat)
• Phoenix (my mother's cat)
• Jethro (lone dog)

After day one of being a two-cat household last week, I wanted to smack myself. I had successfully integrated Phoenix with two (two!) dogs in the past and here I was with fighting, angry, stressed out cats. One of whom may have peed one me in anger, but really, who can quite blame her? Luckily Bunny worked from home on some freelance the first two days the after Moetzel moved in, so we shut her down with us in the basement when we slept, kept them in different parts of the house when we weren't home, and someone was around to supervise/break up interactions as necessary.

Going into this I pretty much had a feeling that these cats would be fine. Phoenix is a little territorial, but she's acclimated to two different dogs at different times (as well as visiting dogs) and Moetzel has lived with another cat before. Which is maybe why hiss/growl/pounce routine they played the first night frustrated me so much. I hadn't been entirely realistic. I did know that Phoenix would be dealing with a second "intruder" into her space and that Moetzel has had a stressful year (living mostly alone as we were trying to decide whether we were moving after Bunny's dad died, and then moving in with Bunny's mom and having all new people all the time) and that the change wouldn't exactly be kind to her and she loved living next door so we were taking her from a home she was happy in.

Things have quickly calmed down, though. There's still a level of stress that I can read off of the animals of the house at various times but I have had constant entertainment. Phoenix has pretty much accepted that Moetzel's here and just wants to get to know her now, and there haven't been any signs of aggression or territoriality from her since day two. She's a little extra lovey, but I can snuggle a cat every now and again. Moetzel's a different beast, and is a little bit terrified of Phoenix and is more stressed out and grumpy; when Phoenix comes too close to her she'll hiss or growl and sometimes walk away.

Mister Jethro has been hilarious though. This poor dog does not like conflict of any sort and is super sensitive to what's happening around him. If Bunny gets pissed at his video games and gets loud and sweary the dog shakes and comes to me for cuddles and reassurance, so the hiss/growl/chase of the cats when it happens has been hard on him. When Moetzel growls Jethro shakes and needs cuddles. The first days when Phoenix was chasing and Moetzel was hissing? The dog would be going to break them up even before we could get there. I keep Jethro snuggled up with me while the cats are in the same room so that they can interact without him getting in the middle of it.

At this point it's all about a slow stare down. The cats will willingly sit within a foot of each other, though they won't get any closer. Phoenix wants to; she'll move to come in a little bit closer and then Moetzel's hair will stand on end and she'll get that stressed cat posture and hiss and Phoenix will just slowly back her way off, sit down further away, and then slowly try to approach again. It's like Phoenix wants to be friends. They're also both moving freely around the house which I find encouraging, and in the last two days I haven't heard a single hiss.

Wcan comfortably leave the doors open and let the cats wander freely when we're not around and we're not waking up to cat sounds so often. Moetzel has discovered some of Phoenix's favourite hiding spots, and Phoenix will leave her alone when she's there. There's chasing without hissing, which seems more playful, and they're even starting to both choose to sit calmly within a few feet of each other. So positive improvement, though there's still a ways to go.

rock, meet hard place

The past number of months Bunny and I have been exceptionally lucky. We have a place to stay without worrying about it, from my mom. Our cat has a place to stay while we're waiting for our permanent home. Which is maybe why this week is so frustrating.

Construction is being done in the basement next door for the next couple of weeks and we were told the cat needed to be out for a couple weeks. My mom is not so ok with the idea of the cat coming over: one dog, one cat is her limit. But what can you do? There are no good options about the cat right now and luckily a limited stay didn't bring up too much of a fight.

Except by the cats. And oh do they fight.

First our cat peed on me when I picked her up to be put in the carrier. She hates that carrier. The past couple days have been punctuated with sudden cat fights. My mom's cat keeps starting things, and then our cat growls and her cat yelps and the next thing you know it's three in the morning and I haven't slept but I have to be at work come seven.

Any cat people out there? Any suggestions on getting two girl cats to get along?

bit of this, bit of that

The last week or so while working on my myriad of projects nothing has really gotten finished but a lot has gotten accomplished. Little bits and pieces of randomness have been picked up so that I can move to the next step on the important projects.

I've been doing some semi-serious reading, tackling the first third of Jim Holt's Why the World Exists. Which also reminded me that when people ask what you're reading, replying with "oh, just some light metaphysics" causes them to look at you like you've grown a second head. Metaphysics isn't particularly light in any case, but given that most of the concepts covered in the book aren't new to me and it's so far an exploration of various explanations of existence and nothingness I feel safe calling it "light" for now. It's also got me itching to go dig out my book boxes from the garage and pick up some "heavier" metaphysics, and reminded me of a few philosophers whose work I want to read more closely. It's a little exhilarating to be excited by philosophy again. To have given time the chance to work its magic and work my way through the burn out that partially stopped me from pursuing grad school. (Well, burn out and health issues and new love and fear of more debt all contributed, but still).

In the quilting world, I've picked up the bits and pieces that will allow me to move forward on actually quilting the baby quilt. It's measured and ironed and I have curved safety pins and plans to pick up the batting tomorrow. I've also sewn my way through a couple more blocks of my scrappy Trip Along quilt and done some cutting for the next two. I'm planning on picking up a couple of paler, more solidly coloured fat quarters to round out the next few blocks after these. The pace is driving me a little nuts, but that's the nature of hand sewing everything.

I also finally located two things that have been driving me nuts. My orchid cross stitch had been languising behind Bunny's table, and while it will still probably be only slow going to finish the piece at least I know where it is. Similarly, I found my short, bamboo knitting needles. Like I need another project, right? Except I do. I need a work appropriate project, and the mindless work of a scarf is pretty perfect for those unexpected lulls that tend to come at work, and if I need to stop on a dime I can. (My boss is pretty cool with crafting at our desks when we're don't have a customer to help and there's a lot of this that goes on in my office. Cross stitching and quilting are both a little bit fussy for work, but knitting is totally appropriate.) I'm also slowly moving my small scraps into a little scrap box my mom handed on over. I still need to figure out something for my larger scraps, but at least I have a place to put the smallest salvagable scraps.

Kitchenwise, it's been a crapshoot. With my hip acting up it's been hard to spend enough time in there to really do the cooking I want to and things like risotto and soups have fallen by the wayside. I've mostly been the kitchen director and we've had a lot of meals where everyone contributes a bit of the labour and I've orchestrated the whole thing lately. I'm starting to feel a little more as if I can stand for fifteen minutes at a time, though, and took advantage of the chance to do a lot of prep work for the next few days.

I've also fit in a trip through the city to do some shoe shopping for a close friend's wedding with the rest of the bridal party and it's pretty nice to have fit in some super social time. Plus, thanks to the government giving us an extra stat holiday a year or two back we've got plans to visit some other friends in the city next weekend. Lots of good social stuff.

in which I go very low brow and talk about television

Apparently I'm the sort of person who now thinks talking about tv is acceptable blogging. Because, well, clearly I'm about to talk about tv. Mostly because this past week there were two things that I was really excited to see on television that are both very much on my mind. So fair warning, if you are a Grey's Anatomy or Doctor Who fan and haven't seen the most recent episodes, there may be some spoilers.

Grey's Anatomy has somehow gone from being one of my guilty pleasure shows that I watch in secret, when Bunny's not around, to being one of our shows that we watch together, always. And was last season's finale ever a heart-rendering cliffhanger, where it was very clear that this season was going to start off by continuing pulling the heartstrings. They do like to do this at the end of the season (anyone remember the shooting a couple seasons back?) and I was prepared for some emotional mayhem.

What I wasn't prepared for was how tied up Grey's Anatomy was going to be with my father in law's death. Watching the scene pulling the plug on Mark Sloane somehow had both Bunny and I right back in the moment when we stopped the mechanical support for his dad. Watching the way the accident had affected the doctors, what with inability to get on planes and so forth, reminded me of the messy emotional aftermath of loss. And the final scene, where you see how bad things are for one of my favourite relationships on the show? Just broke my heart, crawled under my skin and I've been uncomfortable and consumed with this need to think about that pain for days. And it's all fiction, all things that aren't really that affectacious to me ... but they bring me back to a very painful person moment and experience.

Now last Saturday's Doctor Who, on the other hand, was just made of awesome. It was this perfect, epic goodbye to some of the best companions the new Who has seen, and a goodbye to perhaps the best friendship that the Doctor has ever had. (I mean, aren't the Doctor and Amy totally the most awesome best friends ever? It's heartbreaking to see him lose that.)

The whole season of Doctor Who has been a toss up so far for me. I miss the big story arcs, and I'm not as big a fan of each episode being more of a standalone experience. I'd be lying if I said I haven't liked most of the episodes (although Dinosaurs on a Spaceship was a little weak for my tastes), but it just lacks the drama of the follow through, and the way the last series ended left me hungering for more story arcs to follow. Without an arc to propel the viewer from one season to the next I haven't been able to get as invested as I want to be in this year's series, but the episodes themselves have been really good in and of themselves.

Leading into this episode I wasn't happy with the idea of letting Amy and Rory leave the show. I still hate that they've left. But this is perhaps the best send off I've seen a companion have on the new series. It played on that dynamic of Amy always being torn between Rory and the Doctor, which has been played up since that episode "Amy's Choice" two seasons back. They're the two most important people in her life, and she loves the Doctor dearly but she will always, always choose Rory first. He's the centre of her universe and nothing else matters when placed against that. The way they played it made it heartbreakingly sad in that they've forever lost their relationship with the Doctor but at the same time amazingly beautiful in the love story between Rory and Amy and how strong their love for each other is, that they'll wait for thousands of years and give up everything else in their lives to be with each other.

So, in the spirit of low brow entertainment and enjoying the small things in life, what's on the tv in your house lately? What's been moving you and engaging you and pulling you in?

bending with the breeze

This year, with its one blow after another nature, may be the single most transformative year of my life. All that tragedy can't help but change a person, at least a little bit. It's not the sort of change and transformation that you can anticipate, like graduating from university or planning to get married or buy your first home. The situations just wake up and say "Hi, it's the 17th of the month, and life's about to change again".

Life changes don't let you plan, they just happen and take you along for the ride. It's a bit like running around in a giant hampster ball, trying desperately to keep up and never completely in control of your direction. The changes this year have been the sort of changes that you can't figure out a way to undo, the best you can do is adapt and learn to live within the new parameters of your life.

Adapt I have done. I've had to try to learn how to be my best self even in my worst circumstances. I've had to figure out a way to stand up with some grace and dignity when the world is falling apart around me. I've had to suck it up and pull myself together for job interviews and for work. I've had to look for silver linings, because even when life is one hard blow after another you can't let yourself be unhappy forever. You can't simply wallow in the misery; getting up in the morning, getting dressed and going through the motions isn't enough because there aren't enough days left in anyone's life and we have to live each one as best as we can.

Sometimes that means crawling back to bed to cry. More often than that, it means finding something in the day to look forward to, acknowledging and accepting the sorrow while refusing to let it define you.

I've surprised myself a little bit with how I've handled everything. Seeing myself somehow able to maintain some semblance of professionalism and competence at work in the last month while I was completely preoccupied by the train wreck that was July's suckage was a shock to me. I've always been very affected by the difficult moments in life and I haven't historically had an easy time containing that while at work. I've noticed some of my worst qualities taking on softer edges; curbing my temper when I want to lash out at anything and instead admitting "So, that thing that happened a few weeks back? It's making me feel like XYZ right now, and I really need for you to do a little WXY to help me out with this". Doing that instead of just directing my anger at Bunny for no apparent reason is a huge deal for me.

All this upheaval and sorrow has, somehow, led me to a sense of peace that didn't exist before. Truly encountering a terrible situation that I couldn't change, that nobody could change and recognizing that fighting was futile has given me some serenity. I can control myself, my actions and how I handle my emotions but I can't control too much else. This is a fundamental truth of life, but I hadn't really embraced it before. I don't think I had the experience necessary to embrace it. Maybe some of it is to do with the fact that I had never truly been affected by a death in my adult life, and maybe some of it is to do with the fact that the difficult situations I faced as a child where human ones, caused by human monsters and I felt like I should have had more control than I did. I never learned to respect the limits of my own influence.

I don't freak out as much as I used to. Crying because I lost some jewellery seems pretty ridiculous after the year I've had (unless the jewellery is really just the straw that broke the camel's back). I'm more willing to put myself out there, and I'm learning how to speak up for myself a little bit. I spend more time being sad than I used to, and I'm a little withdrawn lately but that's situational and I push myself to break out of the cage a little bit.

And that's just scratching the surface. It's affected how I relate to other people, both those in my life and strangers. It's affected how I relate to the universe and my relationship with the grand Whoever up there. It's changed a lot of things. The only thing that I'm sure of is that there's more change coming.

excuses vs. reasons

Recently, I found out that my little brother is going skydiving. Reaction? That's so cool! Have fun! I'm jealous! Don't tell mom till you've reached post-skydiving safety and can tell her that there's not a smidgen of anything to worry about.

I'm jealous that he's going skydiving, and I've always wanted to go. So what the heck has stopped me?

It's not cheap by any stretch of the imagination, but it's a pretty insane life experience and I completely believe that if the money is there skydiving is worth it. So that's not it.

What I'm trying to figure out now is am I holding myself back out of fear, or practicality? The single biggest reason I've never been skydiving is that I'm a terrible flyer. I get airsick, although I can live with that. My bigger concern is my ears, or more correctly the scar tissue within my ears that makes them act up. My ears don't pop. Every time I take off or land I end up in some pretty intense pain from the pressure increase in my ears, and it doesn't let up for days. No amount of gum chewing, swallowing, hiccups, holding my nose and blowing or anything that has ever been suggested has ever worked to help me with this. Come landing I am in agony, and often tears. Sometimes I get off a plane and can't hear properly for about three days. Often just getting on a plane is enough to give me a nasty ear infection. This is true even on small planes (I have uncles who are pilots, so this has been tested out on family planes in the past).

That being the case I almost feel like skydiving would be torturing myself: I'd want to enjoy this amazing experience, but be in too much pain to do so. I think skydiving would be thirty amazing seconds, but I don't know if they would be amazing enough to offset the amount of pain I would be in. It doesn't seem like a desire that's in line with my body's current physical limitations, and this is a limitation that I don't think I have the power to change.

But I really want to go skydiving. As a general rule I try not to let physical pain stop me from doing something that I'm really, really excited for. What I'm trying to weigh right now is this: are my non-popping ears an actual, justifiable reason not to try skydiving? or am I just using them as an excuse not to go skydiving because it's also just a little bit terrifying?

I could use some opinions, here. To skydive or not to skydive?

life, and settling and announcements

Two months ago, my world was something of a fog. Like someone had pressed the pause button, or turned on the slow-motion effect.

Today things couldn't be more different. I mean, yeah, I'm still living in my mom's basement (weird). Yeah, we're still in a very impermanent situation.

But there have been big changes. Things are starting to become "normal" now, if that's what you want to call this. There's a rhythm to my day, and it's quite predictable. There's a cadence to how things move about, how I interact with myself, and the world and all of that. Some of those changes are, most definitely, attitude. There's a sense of releasing and letting go some of the anger at the world for doing this to my life, and having me in a position I didn't want to be in. Some of them are attitude, in reaction to other things (good things) that are going on.

Some of them are just cool. Like the fact that I started a new job three weeks ago. Yeah, I've kept that one under wraps for awhile, but I wanted to get through the bulk of training before I said anything. I still have plenty more training. Here's the thing: the job is a bit of an off-limits topic on the internet. I don't really think I have any business telling the world the specifics of who I work for and what I do and how I like it. So don't expect too much more in the way of updates .... but hey! Regular money! Sweet! Having things to do during the day! Sweet!

Life, being life, is intent on teetering along full steam ahead. We're busy around here, and it's just going to be getting busier.

the pickel barrel

When I was young (toddler to kindergarden type young) I was underweight to the point that people would stop my poor mother in the street and ask her if she was starving me. That's how thin I was.

With little itty bitty me, who was not only a picky eater but also had some serious food intolerances, it became very important that my mother tried to sneak nutrients into me at every chance she got. Cans of soups would have extra vegetables added. Snacks were almost exclusively fancy. White bread did not exist in our house.

As far as I knew, spaghetti was always green, because my mother used to buy fresh spinach pasta at Loblaws.

And so, there is a story of me, very young. Out to dinner at the Pickel Barrel with family. Turning my nose up, as I would, at every single item on the menu until my mother simpled ordered me buttered spaghetti. That's something I would eat.

When the spaghetti was delivered to the table? In it's normal (non-green) colour? Well little old me stands up, stands right up on the table and screams "That's not pasgetti! Pasgetti is supposed to be green!"

I was a riot as a kid. And last weekend? I had lunch at the exact same Pickel Barrel location that I made the spaghetti stink in.

status update: change is in the air

Friday, was Bunny's last day of class. Almost twenty years after high school, and more than a decade after dropping out of college, he gets that fancy piece of paper saying he's completed a course of post-secondary education. The actual graduation ceremony, which I will attend grinning like an idiot, won't be until June, but right now I'm busy being proud of him.

Did I also mention he's graduating with an average that has to be in the 90s? My baby's a smarty pants.

What this all means, though, is a lot of changes around the house though. It also means more job-search stress than we know what to do with. I'm still languishing in the unemployed state. (Which, while stressful and known to cause great emotional discomfort is not without its benefits.) Bunny has yet to secure an apprenticeship position and is really stressed out. Right now we're waiting to hear back from one place, and he's putting together an application for a lead his instructors gave him. He's got his freelance going on, and is actually out on a lunch meeting now. His boss would happily take him full time, so we have some stability while we wait for things to sort themselves out. Really it would be nice if by the wedding we were both happy with our employment situations (it's a reasonable goal, I think).

So there's stress.

There's also, though, this giant change in that suddenly neither of us has anywhere to be during the day. I straggle out of bed at my usual time and he's just coming in from walking the dog. I put down the laptop to make a coffee and when I come back he's on the computer and won't give it back. It's a bit of a re-negotiation here: I have a routine that he's suddenly intruding on.

Except he's not intruding. It's his house too, I'm just not used to sharing this part of my day. I have to make space for him and recognize that I'm not in control all the time. I'm not always good at sharing, or compromise. I need to remember it's not ok to pout when other people don't want the exact same thing that I do all the time.

Right now we're at a place where life is going to be shuffling around a bit. We'll be keeping ourselves busy, and figuring out what changes we need to make when we're both around 24/7. I might have some very good plans for some of that time.

Crafty Hands

Tossed over an unhung mirror in my living room are two pieces of completed needlework. Cross stitch, specifically, is my poison. It's a somewhat unceremonious display for scraps of cloth and through that I spent months stitching, pulling taut on frames and removing them at the end of the night to save the fabric. Eventually I'll either frame them or make pillows, but for now at least they are haphazardly displayed.

Handicrafts are kind of in my blood. I grew up around them. Until my parents divorced, most of my weekends from April to October were spent at my grandparents' cottage. During the day life bustled with activities: cooking, gardening, fishing, swimming, card and board games, a walk down the gravel road to visit family. My Poppa and both his siblings all owned cottages on the shoreline of Lake Simcoe. Our cottage had been in the family for six generations before me. I'm tied to that land, on the inside.

At night, the family would gather around the fireplace in the livingroom. From big bags at their feet, the women in the family - my mom, Nanna and two aunts - would pull piles of fabric or yarn. Baby blankets and children's sweaters to be knitted, embroidery to be sewn, and eventually there was even quilting.

It was around then that I began doing crafty things. Knitting scarves, doing small bits of needlework. Latch hook rugs. Little things. I've picked up various bits of hobby crafts over the years: making Christmas ornaments and jewellery, knitting mindlessly and varieties of sewing crafts. I even once hand-sewed replica of a Roman stola by hand for a school conference.

Having something to do with my hands is soothing. I enjoy slowly watching a flower unfold across a swath of fabric as I make tiny stitches with coloured floss. It's a simple joy, watching beauty come out of knots in yarn or carefully placed thread. Even more, there's a great sense of accomplishment in completing a poject and making something seemingly out of nothing. In the end, I love seeing how all the carefully meticulous work and tracking and perfectionism pay off in something beautiful to be displayed, worn or used.

So here's my question for you: What crafts and hobbies do you do? (Or wish you did?) What's ot there that I'm missing?

laundry rant

Let me start by stating that I have no qualms about the distribution of chores in our household. I tend to do more of the day to day stuff, and Bunny tends to do more of the once-a-week (or less) "Big Chores". Right now, since I'm home much more than he is, I've also been picking up a few of those. This works for us. I don't mind cooking and washing up, but the idea of taking out the trash? I just don't want to deal. Please no.

There are plenty of chores that are unpleasant. I'm not particularly fond of cleaning the bathroom, though I do it far more often than I ever would have expected. I don't really like picking up around the house, but I do it every other day or so. I don't enjoy cleaning floors, but I clean them.

But laundry? Oh god, laundry. My reaction to this chore is absolutely irrational. I turn into a two-year-old throwing a temper tantrum. I scream at the hamper, I stew while I walk around the back of the building to the laundry room. I scare the dog. I bitch at Bunny to no end. I just cannot handle laundry.

Actually, it's not so much doing the laundry that creates the problem. I mean, chucking clothes in a washer, transferring them to a dryer, and then putting them away is not that big of a deal. Where it gets me though, is not having a washer and dryer. Leaving the house to do the laundry is a whole different beast than just flinging a load of underthings in the washer.

It's not so much doing the laundry that is the problem, as the leaving my home to do the laundry. Every little obstacle in my way puts red flags in my vision. Someone dumped things in the wrong part of the hamper? I'm mad. There's only one washing machine available? I'm mad. I dropped things on the way? I'm mad. The machine ate my quarter? I'm mad. It doesn't matter what happens when I do the laundry, it will make me mad because I just hate the laundry that much. Complete irrational hatred.

It fills me with rage. White hot rage. Two year old temper tantrum rage. Inexplicable, unexcusable, irrational rage. I f*cking hate the g*ddamn laundry. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

I have to be honest, I don't care about clean clothes. Not as much as I should. Not enough to be worth getting this worked up about laundry. I would really rather wear dirty clothes for the rest of my life than do the f*cking laundry ever again. For real. I haaaaaaate laundry.

What's even more ridiculous about my hatred of laundry is that it's a chore that Bunny does more than 75% of the time. He knows I hate it, and it's not very often he asks me to do it. If I'm doing the laundry it's because it needs to be done and there was no chance for him to do it.

But me doing the laundry? Well I can do it, and I will do it, but it is torture. I equate washing my clothes with torture. That's how strong my reaction against laundry is. I rage against it the entire time I'm doing it.

Which is all to say that the laundry is currently in the dryer, and I have to go pick it up in half an hour.

So, here's my question for you: what chores do you hate? Why do you hate them so much? And what do you do to make them a little bit more bearable?