cash flow, an update

Given that I let you in on Bunny's money worries last week, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the next weekend I had my own mini meltdown about money while I was working on the budget. Or while I was procrastinating on working on the budget, more like. Looking at numbers and not really doing anything with them.

Money's an emotional subject. Not so much for what it is in itself, but for what it represents. Money itself isn't a value or priority for Bunny and I, but it's something we need to reach our goals. All of the following require money:

• living on our own, whether its renting an apartment or buying a house
• going on vacation
• our hobbies (although those are more manageable)
• taking care of a child

Of course the money worries aren't centred about money itself, but how we manage our money and how we can live a lifestyle that makes us happy. How long can we live in my mother's basement? It allows us to save a lot of money, but there's a huge emotional tradeoff that I just can't shake. If we do move out, we are still a ways away from buying a house comfortably and it puts a long hold on that goal. How important is a house to us? Where does saving for retirement fit into all of this? At what point do we absolutely need a vacation, even if it's just a week off from work at home and how does that affect our trajectory towards a home and family?

So I cried and we talked about how scared I am and how frustrated I am and how some days everything sucks. Pretty much as soon as I got that off my chest things slowly started feeling better.

I ran the numbers, and at first they made no sense. Then I got mad at the numbers, because I couldn't fix them. And we sat down, went over them and realized that I was being way too conservative in some of the estimates I didn't have hard numbers for and things started to look more realistic. My budget estimates for income were on the low side, but we're both paid hourly and we need to use an average. It also completely ignores Bunny's freelance work since that's so hit and miss.

We spend and save pretty much exactly what I assumed we did. Our debts (mostly my student loans, really) stand exactly where I thought they did. The car is still our biggest expense, but it's not quite as much of a money pit as I thought. Since such a big chunk of our expenses are fixed it's easy to get scared, there aren't too many ways to lower them and we'd already done things like get new, more cost effective car insurance this year. Our personal spending is ugh ... well it needs some work but we both knew we were being overly generous with ourselves and we both have plans to fix it.

So at this point we're both on the same page with where our money situation stands and what it represents. We're getting a clearer a picture of which goals we want and need to accomplish first, and what we want to put off for a bit. Vacations, for example, although really, really wanted are not a top priority. Hopefully we'll find a way to make something small happen (like an all inclusive somewhere, or even a weekend away at a B&B or something). Living in a place where it's just the two of us would be better for both of our emotional health than just a week away from here (although a week away would be great, and we'll find ways for mini vacations in the meantime). We've come up with a tentative plan for tackling our personal expenses, and we've talked about starting to get into coupons and be more responsible with how we can get more for less from our fun money. We've got a major goal coming up that's going to make a huge dent in Bunny's spending and a modest dent in mine. Beyond that Bunny's been really moderating some of the more problematic aspects in his spending lately, and I haven't even been coming close to spending my personal budget.

project macaron: take two

When my first try at macarons were so close to being a success, I figured my second go would only be an improvement on the first. I mean it only made sense that I'd improve rather than get worse, right? Wrong.

This version was a bit of a disaster. First, I couldn't find the same recipe I'd used before. Or if I did it looked really, really different. So I was off to a bad start before I even got going. Second thing I really thing I screwed up is that I overwhipped the egg whites. I was so afraid of not whipping them enough that I passed the soft peaks stage and veered right on to full on stiff peak territory and that just was a no go.

So somewhat of a disaster. What I ended up with were somewhat flat, super delicate marshmallowy cookies. Tasty still, but nowhere near a macaron.

For all that they didn't come out the way I wanted there were two things that changed that I was happy with. I found a seive deeply buried in my mother's kitchen that allowed me to try Amanda's idea of sifting the powdered sugar and ground almonds, and I was really happy with the consistent texture and size there. I also changed how I piped them out, using a cone of waxed paper instead of a freezer bag and found that I had about a million times more control that way, so I'll definitely be using that piping method in the future.

baby quilt - piecing complete!

As of this week, both the top and back of the baby quilt are complete. How cool is that? I'm super excited about this one. Every time I look at the quilt top I like it more and I know that it goes with the Noah's Ark inspired theme that they're going with for the baby's room.

Making this quilt for the baby has really helped me feel connected to my sister in law's baby and feel more at peace with everything. I'm excited to see a little bundle of baby cute wrapped up in it or sleeping in it.

Now that the fabric layers are complete, it's time for a trip to the local long arm store to buy some batting and choose quilting thread. Other benefit of that is it will be a great chance to talk to them about the classes they run and their services (seeing as I have the gift certificate and all) and I'm super excited. I have an idea of the pattern I'd like to do the actual quilting stitches with although I'm a little unsure if it might be a overly ambitious for a first attempt. I want this one to be perfect because it's going somewhere so special to me. I'm excited for the next step!!

While puttering away on the backside of the quilt, I managed to finish up my second Scrappy Trip trip block. I don't love the second block as much as the first, which surprises me because the first block was more orange and I expected that I'd like the primarily blues block better. Oh wells, though. It's about how it all comes together in the end and I think it's going to be pretty awesome when Bunny and I move back out and we have this one draped over our couch.

The other question I'm left with is what to do with the fabric scraps left from the baby quilt. Maybe I'll use some of them to do the binding, though that's not the way I'm leaning. I've got somewhat substantial amounts of some of the fabrics left over, including a super cute, cartoony animal print and a leopard-type print. For now, they'll sit in a little box waiting for me to come up with a plan. Maybe down the road they'll go in another scrappy type quilt. Or something. We'll see.

rings and things

My wedding set is pretty much perfect. I love wearing it, feeling the weight on my hand, being able to glance down and see a symbol of my marriage, knowing that it's a fairly obvious statement to people who are looking that "hey, I'm married". That symbolism isn't everyone's cup of tea but I like it. I also like that it's a set that's designed to work together, although the shape does really take away the option of wearing just the wedding band.

What I haven't been loving lately is the fact that it doesn't fit. When Bunny purchased the ring I was about half way through a somewhat major weight loss and my ring size was an 8. In the year and a half since he bought the ring, my weight has fluctuated downwards more and even though I still have short, chubby fingers (that bit's never going to change) the sizing just didn't work.

Over the summer I accidentally flung the rings from my finger when I was dealing with an overflowing bottle of root beer, which led to a somewhat panicked hour long search around the basement. A couple of months ago while drying my hands I accidentally tossed them in the bathroom garbage at work (getting them out was fun - can you hear that sarcasm?).

So at the start of the new year we trudged into his sister's jewellery store, where we got the rings, and sent them away for sizing. When I get them back I'll actually have rings that fit which is going to be a great improvement but in the meantime I feel a little lost.

Without anything there I feel absolutely naked and I don't feel ok leaving the house. I'm a fan of wearing my rings. It bothers me to an extent that it was clear I'd have to wear a placeholder ring for awhile, and I'm lucky enough to have a few choices. A little cute gold ring with a tiny diamond chip my grandma gave me when I was thirteen, a little band with some small channel set diamonds as a grad gift from my mom years back that looks like a downsized wedding band, and two hand me down rings from my mom, both pearl. The first rings look and feel out of place and they look awkward on my ring finger so it was an easy choice to narrow it down to the pearls. Somehow my short fingers need a bit of oomph that the flatter bands just don't provide.

Thus, the last few weeks I've been walking around with a pearl solitaire on my hand. It's odd because it's so clearly not my engagement ring, although it does the job of making me feel not naked. I can't wait to get my rings back.

If you're married or engaged how do you feel about wearing your rings? Are they an extentsion of your hand, or do you ever go out without them?

quilting update

I'm getting to the point with the baby quilt where I'm actually going to have to start teaching myself a new skill: sandwiching the quilt top and back with batting and (gasp) actually quilting it.

The top is complete but for the borders and the back is going to be just lightly pieced. Of the four fabrics I've used in on the top I'll be piecing three or four large, wide strips together for the back, which is more to do with the amount of the fabrics I have left over than any other consideration. And I want to let the monkey fabric shine a little bit more, which it really can't do in the pieced front.

I've got lots of time to handle this, as we're not expecting to meet the little monkey until early June and last week I realized that I just needed some time off from this project. Happy as I am for my sister in law, during last week's anniversary I just didn't want to be working on something for someone else's baby. It just felt like asking a little bit too much from myself.

Despite all my plans to the contrary, I didn't take the time to pick up other half finished projects. In all fairness I did try. I was going to pick up the orchid cross stitch again and put some time into that but for the life of me I can't figure out where I put it. Or where Bunny cleaned it up to. I am determined to finish that one up, I just need to find it and dedicate some time into it.

Instead I broke into a jelly roll I'd recently acquired that co-ordinates with the almost finished pillows (that honestly won't get stuffed until we move out, just on space concerns) and broke into a pattern that's been making its way across almost every single quilting blog I read lately, the Scrappy Trip Along the World. It just seemed too easy and fun to pass up and I've been wanting to follow someone else's pattern. The thought with this one is that once Bunny and I do move out it will go in our living room on the main couch, so it will likely be a smaller sized quilt. Maybe four feet by four feet? That's what I'm leaning towards at least.

Once again I'm proving myself to be a great starter and a lackluster finisher. Don't worry though, I promise I'll get to it. At least I have a deadline.

book review: sacre bleu

I've only mentioned once or twice (or ... well, a lot) how much I enjoy Christopher Moore's writing. So, when he came up with a book that name checked Vincent van Gogh and suggested he might be a main character or driving force well I simply had to read it. Suffice to say I had my hopes up high for this book.

Maybe too high. Which isn't quite fair to say; I had specific expectations that this book did not quite meet. I wanted more van Gogh. I spent probably most of the first half of the book being a little bit frustrated and feeling like the description had misled me.

About half way through the book I got over it. And once I stopped sulking about the fact that there wasn't enough van Gogh I was absolutely enchanted. All my favourite elements of Moore's writing were here, the humour and the hilarious take on the supernatural. I got involved in the storyline and realized that the characters were just as compelling as Moore's earlier characters. So let's be clear: this is a story about the made up, mythical power of the colour blue. The title maybe should have clued me in, no? It's also a book about art, and inspiration and the force that drives people to create.

As I was reading I felt like Sacre Bleu was perhaps a bit of a divergence from Moore's earlier writing, but that's not exactly true. I simply happened to catch on a particular strain of Moore's writing when I first began reading him, and while that particular little set of books is my favourite, it's not the only aspect of his style. I did feel like there was a little bit of maturation in his style though (although, really, maturity is not a word I'd use to describe his writing) and there was definite growth. There's more creative scope and a crazy massive storyline that just isn't there in the most of his earlier works.

If nothing else it's worth a read just for the afterword.

cash flow

The other weekend Bunny and I took a little bit of an impromptu roadtrip into Newmarket. He'd been trying to pick up some paints for his model car that he's building for awhile, and for the last three weekends the hobby shop in town had been out of every single colour he needed. Finally one of the associates recommended we drive down to Newmarket and we found out that no problem, they had everything.

On the car ride down we had a few talks though about money and priorities and life. Bunny's bank account doesn't really have much in the way of buffer between his income and his share of regular expenses. On top of that there have been extra expenses lately (he had another dentist visit this weekend that kind of cleaned him out) and he's been stressed.

Part of it's my fault. We view all of our money as "our" money, whether it's in my account or his account, but his accounts look pretty sad lately. I've been procrastinating pretty hardcore on the budget and on getting all of our figures to him. I mean, I know where the money goes, I know what savings to be expecting but everything's all over the place with our money right now and I need to start untangling and simplifying.

We've been putting off joining the accounts until my name change is complete legally as an attempt to simplify. It's a little unfair though, because I bring in more money on a regular basis than he does and the expenses that have traditionally been his are way higher than mine. Essentially his regular income just covers the bills and his spending with a tiny bit to spare, whereas my paycheque covers my loans, my fun money, our joint entertainment with significant savings every cheque.

The big stuff is all in place: we have the money to cover our fixed expenses, we have freedom with our money and we save pretty aggressively. What we don't have right now is a plan for exactly what we should be expecting in savings and expenses. I know pretty well what we spend on ourselves but it's been a long time since we've taken a critical eye to it. We also have all our savings lumped into two catagories one account where we put aside money for the taxes on Bunny's freelance, and my account that is combination emergency fund, house savings and short term savings goals. We need to tease out little spots to, say, save for the vacation we've both been craving for years, even if it's just a jar on the dresser that we each stash some personal money in every other week.

So the next week or two I'm trying to dedicate some extra time into putting the numbers together and presenting things to him. We're in good financial shape, really, it's just that our different bank accounts give two very different views of things and don't actually reflect our financial philosophies.

How do you handle family money? Are accounts together, separate or a bit of both? Are you living up to your ideals?