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I hope you all are out there having a happy holiday season and enjoying as much time with loved ones as you can fit in. As for me, this evening I will be holing up and snuggling Bunny, playing board games with family and mostly enjoying some quiet time.

Christmas Eve is pretty much my favourite day ever, even though I'm not a huge Christmas person. Probably because my favourite day ever, in history, was that Christmas Eve five years ago when I went next door to visit his momma and ran flat into Bunny and my world changed.

Five years ago today was love at first sight. Like I never would have believed if it hadn't happened to me, feeling the world around me shift and realign, the sense of the world closing in on me and coming forward to whisper and scream "this is it, this is your future". Some moments can never be adequately expressed in words and that night is one of them.

But five years ago, was a first kiss. A first hand hold. A sense of certainty like nothing I had ever known before in my life.

Cheyenne

There are other things I had hoped to do today, and other things I had really hoped to say.

Right now? My heart's rather busy breaking.

I just got home from my mother's house. Last night, one of the most beautiful dogs in the world had a really bad fall. This morning, things were worse.

This afternoon we put her down. So I'm going to go ugly-cry some more now. There's lots of content scheduled to go up over the next couple of days, so you'll see that, but if there's radio silence for a little while otherwise, don't be too surprised.

Moments of Insecurity and Laughter

So there was a job interview recently. (These exist in my life, yes. They make me very happy when they occur.) After I got the call to come in, the first thing I did was get on the phone with Bunny and squeal. Good news needs sharing, he's the first person I want to share with and when the news is that good the first person who hears it generally gets a squeal.

This is not a post dedicated to me admitting to being a squealer, I promise. (But I am one.)

Later that evening when Bunny came home, we naturally talked more about the interview, and the company. I told him how excited I was. He told me how excited he was for me. Then because I'm shallow I started talking about what I was going to wear (the new suit, of course). Bunny, bless his soul, wanted to continue along the shallow route.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you should really get your uh, lip waxed before you head over there tomorrow."

Natural reaction: pout. So of course I pouted and whined and teased him. Then once I was done being a snotty whiner, I laughed my ass off.

I have hair on my upper lip. I'm pretty sure most women do. Mine's more obvious than I'd like, but I've always thought it was not that bad. At the end of the day, I don't have crippling upper-lip-hair fear. It doesn't cause me social anxiety (although maybe according to Bunny it should?) Let's scratch that thought, though, and just admit it:

I have a moustache.

And if anyone's going to tell me to go get it waxed, it had better be Bunny.

you've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone

"A man has dreams of walking with giants
To carve his niche in the edifice of time
You've got to grind, grind, grind
At that grindstone
Though child'ood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give
Just that spoonful of sugar
To 'elp the medicine go down
The medicine go down, the medicine go down"
- A Man Has Dreams (highly abridged) from Mary Poppins

When I was little, Mary Poppins came out of the Disney Vault and was released on VHS (that was how we watched our movies). This was, in my family, a huge deal: it was my Nanna's favourite movie and she'd never been able to actually own it.

This movie takes me back to their cottage, with the huge open concept kitchen/living room/dining room from way back before open concept was cool. I heard stories of how they built the cottage, after tearing down the old one, on land that had been in our family for oh, six generations at least. Currently my aunt and uncle own it, although if I were ever in the position of owning a vacation home I'd buy it. My Poppa's brother and sister also each owned a cottage (or in at least one case, a virtual mansion) on the side of the same lake.

Today, Mary Poppins was playing on Bravo, so I figured what the hey, nothing better is on so I'll watch that. I didn't realize I had such strong memories associated with it.

This movie brings me back to vividly to bridge at the dining room table, roaring fires, concrete stairs leading to a pebble beach and the most massive boulder. Weekends spent building decks (front and back), seeing the house from a little aluminium boat on the lake. It reminds me of fish fry breakfasts, eggs cooked in bacon grease, and more family just down the road.  Falling asleep to sound of water.

And that song, that song exemplifies why Bunny quit the fancy design job last summer to go be a mechanic. That's not how we want to live our lives: there will be no grind, grind, grinding at that grindstone to the detriment of our family life. Because childhood does so quickly slip away and it's such a magical time. We are quite decided that we want to spend that time on our own lives.

A job is a great thing. A career that is intellectually stimulating, socially engaging and satisfying in and of itself is a wonderful thing. To me, at least, a career does not make a life. A career is what allows for the rest of it.

Giving our future children memories like those. Different movies, I'm sure, but one day, I hope that my children and grandchildren put Stardust or Contact on as adults and are overcome by memories of their family and their childhood that make a little part of them ache with longing to go back (in the best way).

moments: puppycuddles

I lingered in bed longer than intended today, by about an hour. There was a bit of a chill in the air and the covers were warm and invitings. I'd already scooched into the warm spot that Bunny vacated when leaving for school and snuggled into his scent. The dog was at the foot of my bed, and created more warmth. I started to feel nauseous, and stayed in bed until the feeling began to subside. (Sidenote: have we talked about this? I hate my stomach lately.)

I brought pillows down to the living room, picked up the laptop and set myself up on the couch. Apparently puppy decided that he wanted to set himself up with me, as he climbed up onto the couch, and snuggled up to my legs. After a minute he cuddled in closer, resting his head on my calf and essentially holding me captive to his cuteness. (My morning latte was certainly delayed, entirey worth it.)

Good way to start the day? Absolutely.