silver linings

There have been a few bright spots in what has otherwise been a pretty awful week.

I've had a profound appreciation for being unemployed this week - otherwise I never would have had the opportunity to simply hop the next bus to my mom's when I needed to be there on Wednesday. I could not be more grateful for the fact that nothing stood in my way. To be able to be at home now, hidden in a burrow of blankets on the couch alternating between being ok/hurting like hell and unable to stop crying/just trying not to feel so bad for a few moments instead of trying to appear to be ok in public. I'd had enough of crying in public by the time I got home Wednesday night. (I just don't like crying in public in general. I'm sure the sentiment is shared by many.)

I was reminded of the fact that even though we have a difficult, loaded relationship that I have a mother who loves me, a lot, and only wants happiness for me. Of how I have the best brother in the world, bar none. That even though my extended family is one giant mess, the people who matter are always there.

And Bunny. Always Bunny.

Who bailed out early on a friends' birthday to come home and be with me. (Please note that I told him to still go to the party.) Who talked and cuddled on the couch. Bunny who went out and bought hot chocolate and didn't say a word when I drank three mugs. Who just said "ok", kissed my forehead and turned on the TV during his nap yesterday when I told him the quiet was bad. Who held me in bed and stroked my hair when I cried half the night.

To have someone who I could simply snuggle into and cry to. It's not that I've never cried to Bunny, or in front of Bunny before. There have been tearful phone calls, and when I have PMS I cry for no good reason and I just can't stop, and probably a hundred other times. Never, though, have I ever turned to someone in the middle of the night and just cried my heart out.