Friday, August 10, 2012

life, and letting things settle

I seem to be very slowly, very steadily acclimating to my recent big emotional disaster. In fact, I may almost be ready to talk about it more directly - I'm just not sure if I should or not. Which bothers me, because there isn't really a should and should not when talking about life issues. But this is a bit of a taboo topic, even if it's a pretty common experience and I'm not 100% sure yet whether I'm comfortable opening up those floodgates and starting that discussion. I'm also unsure if I have any business starting that conversation. What I do know is that when this all started, I needed a place to talk about it and they all existed on secret corners of the internet; the support group type pages. Which was just not what I needed. I didn't need a place that was dedicated to the issue, I just needed to be able to not feel alone and being surrounded by people who had all been there was overwhelming.

I'm trudging along the road to improvement. It's been awhile since I've cried, or felt like I needed to cry about it and even those moments are more passing. My confidence in myself is slowly starting to reappear, though it's still pretty shaken. I don't feel like I need to shout to the world that I just went through this terrible thing and give me a d*mn break already, anymore.

I know there are a few things that are coming up that are going to remind me of how much this sucks. I know that there are certain events and happenings coming up in my extended community that are really happy, overall, but are going to make me feel very sad just because they remind me very strongly of this. But you know what? That's ok. I don't have to be "better" all at once. That takes some time.

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