Friday, December 14, 2012

the birthday that wasn't

Poppa Bunny's birthday passed very recently. He would have been 68. It's still hard to believe sometimes that he's not with us anymore. It seems so unfair that he didn't even get to see what 68 looked like. That he didn't get to be here for either of his babies getting married. That he's not around to see the magic the family's up to right now.

For the last few months, Poppa Bunny's death for me has been inextricably linked with my miscarriage. Those losses share an anniversary and some difficult emotional ties and I have a very hard time separating them from each other. It's been a long time since I've been able to feel grief for one without being a little overwhelmed by the other.

Poppa Bunny's birthday though is all him. We had a small birthday dinner, just the immediate family, for him. My mother in law wasn't going to, originally, but Bunny brought the idea up and a family friend stopped by with a surprise gift of some venison. It's a little crazy how thinking about a dead deer makes me tear up for him. But that's a big part of who Poppa Bunny was.

Today I can't stop thinking about the last time I saw Poppa Bunny before the stroke, before he died. It was Mother's Day, and we'd come up to take our momma's on a joint dinner out. After hugging goodbye, before I left, I tugged one of his socks off.


  1. Hugs to you. The boy's oma (grandma) left us this July, after having a stroke (cerebrovascular event) last December, and then, being confined to a bed, from being a very active, happy and full of life person. It was very hard to see. In the end,in a way we were kind of glad her suffering stopped, because the new situation (half her body was semi paralzyed) was making her utterly sad.
    I often remember her when I cook something she would do, or when I see little things (like her favorite flower bush), and I like to think she is with us.
    Sending you love.

    1. That must have been so hard to watch. I'm so sorry to hear about her stroke. When Bunny's father died, one of the things his mother talked about was that whatever way you lose your loved one is the hardest in that particular circumstance.

      One of the moments that I started to really feel like Bunny was begining to heal from this was when he was able to remark about something that reminded him of his dad and do it with a smile.