money goals, and deadlines

Every couple, family and tight friendship group has their own little shorthand phrases, I think. The references to all the inside jokes that occur when you spend copious amounts of time together so that suddenly "pop a can" is the most hilarious reference anyone can bring up. The sort of weird, odd humour that you had to be there when it first came up to understand. The same catch phrases can be discrete reminders of goals, or small ways to comfort each other.

"Tax time" has become one of those for Bunny and I. We are crazy excited about paying next year's taxes. Weird, right? Except in our case, tax time is a reference to a very specific goal we are trying to meet and seem pretty on target to do: buying a house. The way our earnings and savings have been going lately we are very confident that by tax time next year we will be financially ready to do that.

We have a pretty lofty goal: paying 25-33% down, and we're looking at buying a starter type home. (Although both of our parents have lived in "starter homes" for about twenty years, so to us it's the size of home we know and grew up in). There's a decent chunk of that available to be borrowed from RRSPs, and despite some hesitations on my part we will be taking advantage of that program. Our bank accounts are growing pretty rapidly, and what seems to be a very achievable goal is to buy a house after we pay the next year's taxes.

Which means that we have to have our downpayment. It means we have to have paid off taxes (and because of freelance work, we will owe money, so we have to plan for that). It means having our closing costs ready, and leaving our emergency fund intact. We're getting there pretty steadily. Between what we currently have saved, what we have in the RRSP, and what we're expecting to be able to save over the next six months we will be buying a house once we've paid our 2013 taxes. And that? That's huge.

I may have in the past mentioned that I am known to kind of freak out about our living situation, tears and all. When we're getting frustrated reminding ourselves that our end goal is to buy after we pay the next round of taxes? That's a huge stress reliever right there. Tax time isn't so far, and I swear you've never known anyone so excited to pay their stupid taxes.

fun money

Finances have been a mixed bag lately. Bunny and I have been working hard on getting on the same page and there have been a lot of very positive improvements to out budget. I'm loosening up a little to allow some extra expenses and he's tightening up his non-allowance expenses. We're getting on the same page, even with the frustrations and the setbacks and it feels good. It's a work in progress, and there are constantly new balls to juggle.

Watching Bunny figure out his allowance money is exciting. It's opened a lot of doors for him in some ways, but at the same time keeps our budget on an even keel with expenses. He's taken off on a run with his model cars and motorcycle hobby and a lot of the money is being socked away towards that lately. He's also talking about spending some on things for his bike (which is currently more toy than transportation). Even his annual men's camping weekend will be coming out of this portion of the budget.

My fun money is a little more in flux right now. It's kind of been piling up and I don't necessarily have anything I want to spend it on. Oh, I buy quilt supplies and fabrics from it when the need arises, and I buy a book every couple of weeks. There's also my fancy coffee habit, and I buy a fancy coffee at least once a week. (It's a terrible, luxurious indulgence and I love it and feel absolutely no guilt about it.) I've got a lot of fun money left over at the end of each pay period though, and I'm at a loss as to what to do with it.

I don't want to blow it all on a fancy purse or shoes (maybe because there's nothing that excites me there?) and all the practical things I could spend it on have been very clearly pointed out to me as budget expenses, not fun money. But why would I spend money from the rest of our budget on a haircut when I have spending money?

In Toronto it would have been a lot easier to make up my mind, but I don't want to be making excuses. I need to figure this out. Is there a class I want to take? Do I want to pay for a joint vacation on my own? Go to some shows in the city? Do I want to invest in some dividend paying stocks? (That idea really interests me, to be honest. The money is just sitting there and I could use it to make more money.) It's at the point where it's a large amount of money but not a huge amount of money. It's not quite enough for any of the big ideas but it's still big enough to need some thought.

What are your favourite splurges? What special expenses do you save your pennies for?

money can be fun, too

The money situation in our little baby family by turns frustrates me almost to tears and makes me feel very hopeful. Mostly the tears just happen while I'm PMSing and revolve around feeling stuck in our living situation, so it's not really fair to blame it all on the money. It's a process, though. Money doesn't grow on trees we earn it through giving away our time and we keep it by making (sometimes hard) choices about what is and isn't worth spending.

This week is a hopeful one. We're making a change to our lifestyle that I don't really want to talk about too much but should free up hundreds of dollars a month for savings. Which means we are that much closer to living the dream (of living on our own). After a nasty surprise about the state of one of our bank accounts earlier this month this is a huge thing.

I've also noticed changes in my own spending habits recently. We're still being lazy and operating on separate accounts - though we've mandated weekly updates to each other so there are no more shocks in the future - and almost everything that's not a necessity has to come out of "my" account because that's where the free, unallocated money lies.

It's become second nature to me to whip out my debit card when we're out to dinner together. Not because it's my job to pay, but our entertainment budget happens to sit in my account. I don't even think about it anymore, and when I make the effort to think about it I realize how truly I see the money there as both of ours. Even with expenses that could be called "mine" alone - like all the money that's being spent on aspect's of a dear friend's wedding, I'm making better choices. I technically could just whip it out of our savings, but instead shoe shopping comes out of my personal fun budget. Gifts will be a different matter, but we have a very clear set budget for what we spend on gifts now for any occasion.

Bunny's even gotten on board with giving himself a fun money allowance, although I think we need to talk about what exactly is all entailed in fun money. He's not giving himself enough freedom in some ways, and we're not always on the same page about what comes out of what. For me, if we say "screw it, I want McDonald's" while we're out shopping and it's not a proper date, that's fun money. For him, that's not. Which accounts for the very different allocations. I also view fun money as something that I choose to do my entertainment expenses from - so if I want to take a trip down to see a friend for no reason, the travel expenses come from there. He uses the general budget for that. So we've still got some talks to get on the same page and we'll both flex a bit, but hey progress is progress.

dreaming through the mls

Given all the time we've spent over the past month or so discussing finances and money and how that relates to our current and future living situation, it was time Bunny and I started seriously thinking about places to live when we leave my mother's basement. With the savings I've managed to come up with in the past couple of months and the fact that freelance money seems like it's going to be flowing pretty steadily for Bunny in the forseeable future we're starting to lean back towards waiting and buying a home; the nice fact of all this indecision is it gives us time to sit put and save while we make up our minds, and either way buying a home is a ways out.

We've both been looking at local listings lately, browsing the MLS on the web together and separately, feeling out more realistically what's available in the area. We've arrived at two really clear conclusions.

First, homes that are pretty dreamy (as in perfect kitchens, nicely designed, and with the more open concept feel that we've become fond of) are outside of our price range - but that's not a surprise. What's surprising is that they're not as far out of reach as we thought: the dream home sweet spot in our area tends to run between $250-300,000. We can't really see ourselves being comfortable spending more than $225,000 max (and that's pushing it) when we are ready to buy. Unless one of us doubles our income, but that just doesn't look realistic right now. So we're not going to get in a dream home with our first house, but that's no surprise to either of us. While I'm not a fan of house hopping and selling every five years, it's not unreasonable to think that in 10-15 we might be ready to sell and move up a little and the houses we love aren't too far from our starting point.

What is surprising is realizing that decent, liveably homes in the area are sometimes listed as low as $150-175,000. Below what we were hoping to spend, eventually. Listings at this price are available in a lot of areas including the same neighbourhood our parents live in. The idea of being a 10 minute walk away from our moms is inticing, though so is the idea of being clear across town. There are even homes just down the street from my office which is also a pretty accessible part of town in this range. The layouts aren't as open as we'd like and most of the houses we've been seeing online would need a few coats of paint and eventually I'd want to replace the cabinet doors in the kitchen, but they look liveable and they all live up to the standard set by the old townhouse we loved.

All said and done, I think we're leaving more towards waiting and buying. It's still an ongoing discussion and it probably will be right up until we close on a house. Then I'm sure they'll be negotiations about what we want to upgrade first and years down the line we'll be debating about how long to stay. It's feeling hopeful though and we're feeling pretty bright about the whole concept.

planning a spree

I've mentioned that last month's bonus from work was pretty sweet. Not like, thousands of dollars sweet - much more modest than that. Still a great contribution to our budget and still enough that Bunny and I can do some significant shopping with it. Given that it's a gift card bonus it's designed for some spending. When we're buying our own groceries and furnishing a house there will be some serious spending we can do with it, but right now we use bonuses for more splurgy spending.

This month we're planning on getting the bonus on mall gift certificates and spending the money on some much needed new clothes. I've bought some sweaters this year but they've ended up being pretty poor quality (needless to say I'm pretty unhappy with them) and almost all my older sweaters have started to seriously wear out. I'm running out of decent clothes in good condition for winter weather and need new pants. Bunny has a few pieces of clothing he needs to update as well, so we're trying to be somewhat proactive with how we plan the money.

Having the gift card gives us a simple and set budget: we spend my bonus and no more. I'm a fan of getting the most bang for my buck, though, and I'm determined not to fall into the same shoddy quality trap as my last purchase though and so we're going in with a list. I'm still fuming over the fact that not one but two sweaters busted elbow holes in the first two wears, and I'm finding that other recent purchases from that store are falling apart way too quickly for my liking. At this point I know it's not just the design but rather overall quality issues so I've given up on even taking things back but I won't be purchasing there again.

Bunny's pretty easy on what he wants to find and isn't too fussy on where he purchases things. I've been browsing websites for stores that I know and trust (stores whose clothes have lasted me years in the past, and whose most recent purchases I'm still happy with) and trying to come up with a hit list. I'm also being conscious of looking for sales, using coupons and gift certificates and finding every possible way to get the most bang for our buck.

How do you clothes shop? Do you go in with a plan, or leave room for whatever strikes your fancy? Are you a sale shopper, or do you just buy as you need?

cash flow, an update

Given that I let you in on Bunny's money worries last week, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that the next weekend I had my own mini meltdown about money while I was working on the budget. Or while I was procrastinating on working on the budget, more like. Looking at numbers and not really doing anything with them.

Money's an emotional subject. Not so much for what it is in itself, but for what it represents. Money itself isn't a value or priority for Bunny and I, but it's something we need to reach our goals. All of the following require money:

• living on our own, whether its renting an apartment or buying a house
• going on vacation
• our hobbies (although those are more manageable)
• taking care of a child

Of course the money worries aren't centred about money itself, but how we manage our money and how we can live a lifestyle that makes us happy. How long can we live in my mother's basement? It allows us to save a lot of money, but there's a huge emotional tradeoff that I just can't shake. If we do move out, we are still a ways away from buying a house comfortably and it puts a long hold on that goal. How important is a house to us? Where does saving for retirement fit into all of this? At what point do we absolutely need a vacation, even if it's just a week off from work at home and how does that affect our trajectory towards a home and family?

So I cried and we talked about how scared I am and how frustrated I am and how some days everything sucks. Pretty much as soon as I got that off my chest things slowly started feeling better.

I ran the numbers, and at first they made no sense. Then I got mad at the numbers, because I couldn't fix them. And we sat down, went over them and realized that I was being way too conservative in some of the estimates I didn't have hard numbers for and things started to look more realistic. My budget estimates for income were on the low side, but we're both paid hourly and we need to use an average. It also completely ignores Bunny's freelance work since that's so hit and miss.

We spend and save pretty much exactly what I assumed we did. Our debts (mostly my student loans, really) stand exactly where I thought they did. The car is still our biggest expense, but it's not quite as much of a money pit as I thought. Since such a big chunk of our expenses are fixed it's easy to get scared, there aren't too many ways to lower them and we'd already done things like get new, more cost effective car insurance this year. Our personal spending is ugh ... well it needs some work but we both knew we were being overly generous with ourselves and we both have plans to fix it.

So at this point we're both on the same page with where our money situation stands and what it represents. We're getting a clearer a picture of which goals we want and need to accomplish first, and what we want to put off for a bit. Vacations, for example, although really, really wanted are not a top priority. Hopefully we'll find a way to make something small happen (like an all inclusive somewhere, or even a weekend away at a B&B or something). Living in a place where it's just the two of us would be better for both of our emotional health than just a week away from here (although a week away would be great, and we'll find ways for mini vacations in the meantime). We've come up with a tentative plan for tackling our personal expenses, and we've talked about starting to get into coupons and be more responsible with how we can get more for less from our fun money. We've got a major goal coming up that's going to make a huge dent in Bunny's spending and a modest dent in mine. Beyond that Bunny's been really moderating some of the more problematic aspects in his spending lately, and I haven't even been coming close to spending my personal budget.

cash flow

The other weekend Bunny and I took a little bit of an impromptu roadtrip into Newmarket. He'd been trying to pick up some paints for his model car that he's building for awhile, and for the last three weekends the hobby shop in town had been out of every single colour he needed. Finally one of the associates recommended we drive down to Newmarket and we found out that no problem, they had everything.

On the car ride down we had a few talks though about money and priorities and life. Bunny's bank account doesn't really have much in the way of buffer between his income and his share of regular expenses. On top of that there have been extra expenses lately (he had another dentist visit this weekend that kind of cleaned him out) and he's been stressed.

Part of it's my fault. We view all of our money as "our" money, whether it's in my account or his account, but his accounts look pretty sad lately. I've been procrastinating pretty hardcore on the budget and on getting all of our figures to him. I mean, I know where the money goes, I know what savings to be expecting but everything's all over the place with our money right now and I need to start untangling and simplifying.

We've been putting off joining the accounts until my name change is complete legally as an attempt to simplify. It's a little unfair though, because I bring in more money on a regular basis than he does and the expenses that have traditionally been his are way higher than mine. Essentially his regular income just covers the bills and his spending with a tiny bit to spare, whereas my paycheque covers my loans, my fun money, our joint entertainment with significant savings every cheque.

The big stuff is all in place: we have the money to cover our fixed expenses, we have freedom with our money and we save pretty aggressively. What we don't have right now is a plan for exactly what we should be expecting in savings and expenses. I know pretty well what we spend on ourselves but it's been a long time since we've taken a critical eye to it. We also have all our savings lumped into two catagories one account where we put aside money for the taxes on Bunny's freelance, and my account that is combination emergency fund, house savings and short term savings goals. We need to tease out little spots to, say, save for the vacation we've both been craving for years, even if it's just a jar on the dresser that we each stash some personal money in every other week.

So the next week or two I'm trying to dedicate some extra time into putting the numbers together and presenting things to him. We're in good financial shape, really, it's just that our different bank accounts give two very different views of things and don't actually reflect our financial philosophies.

How do you handle family money? Are accounts together, separate or a bit of both? Are you living up to your ideals?

holiday spending

Our bank account is feeling a little deflated this month. Kind of par for the course with the holidays happening here, and at the end of the day we're still leaving the month with more money saved than we had at the start of the month, but still. Not the amount of savings I'd hoped for, even though I knew my hopes were realistic.

This year we had two very different Christmas celebrations. At my mom's house everything was about big gifts, and large presents (or in some cases, large amounts of presents) were given and received. Bunny's family on the other hand did away with the gift exchange entirely, except for our teenage niece because the whole fun of Christmas is giving gifts to younger people.

I much prefered Bunny's family Christmas. As much as it's fun choosing gifts for people, and receiving gifts, it just doesn't do it for me really. I mean I love picking out the "perfect" gift, but sometimes the perfect gift is really just "here's something I know you really want and I tried really hard but it's personal and so I got a gift receipt". Which is just no fun. Maybe I'm feeling grinchy because I feel guilty about the fact that Bunny and I are exchanging part of his gift to me, because while it's beautiful and thoughtful it won't ever get worn. Which makes me feel crazily guilty, and it's not the way that either of us wants to feel about the gifts we give each other. At the end of the day though the big gifts don't do much for me.

The gift I was most excited about buying was for Bunny, and it was a whopping thirty dollars but it was perfect for him. Next to that getting my brother a small collection of sports accessories and some gifts for our niece was super fun. The gifts that I was most excited about receiving were all small ones: beautiful earrings from my niece, quilting classes from Bunny (seriously! the man bought me quilting classes), a sewing box and some fabric from my mom.

Christmas wise the "spending money" bit really gets on my nerves. It seems to miss the point, sort of. Every year in my family we all struggle to come up with giant wish lists of things that we want and that fit my mom's planned Christmas spending. (Maybe it somehow goes along with how strongly I reacted against the idea of a bridal shower?) Somehow all I can think is how much more interesting might it be if we set a small spending limit ($20? 50?) and tried to be more creative within the budget.

Then again, there's also the realization that if and when babies come I may feel completely different about spending money. I'll probably want to spoil my children a little bit, at least around Christmas. Although "budget" is probably the least of the decisions we have to make about babies and Christmas, when the time comes.

Holiday budgets are hard, really. How does your family handle it? Do you do big gifts, little gifts, secret Santa exchanges? Do you wish things were different?

constructing a married budget

I've started making some progress on this whole "budget" thing Bunny and I have been working on. Well really it's my show, I'm the dedicated money manager in the household. (Bunny's the dedicated dog walker - somehow I think I get the better deal.) So forward motion.

We finally have a picture of how we spend our money in a given month. Our expenses are fairly low, other than the truck and loan payments. We're spending more on wants than we probably should be but it's manageable and we both agree that right now as long as we are saving strong we need a bigger wants budget to help emotionally deal with living with my mom. Sometimes for us a dinner out is a necessity because it lets us spend some quality time away from everyone else in a way that we can't do at home.

Now we're on to the points of negotiation and compromise. We're trying to decide what expenses need their own budget and what expenses need to come out of just our allowances. Clothes, for example, are a tricky one. I've always bought clothes either out of my fun money or, very occasionally, my savings. But is it fair to either Bunny or I to spend our allowance on clothes for work? Or a winter jacket or boots when we don't have one? So clothes get a budget, though we're trying to figure out just what that should be and what clothes that includes. (A pair of reasonably priced winter boots, perhaps. But just the first pair.) There's the fact that I think some of our expenses are not very well thought out, and we both need to figure out ways to live on less.

Then it's decisions on how much to save, how much to put towards debt repayments, which debts to pay off first. We seem to have a pretty straightforward idea: get rid of the last vestiges of credit card debt (we each have a couple hundred dollars there, but nothing crippling), make the minimums on my student loans and save hard for a house. It's deciding how far to claw back our want budget when we don't have a lot of "needs" right now. And balancing the emotional aspect of that is hard, too.

We'll actually put together our numbers later on, but so far things are looking pretty promising. Essentially we're already living on one income even with our high wants, which means that we can put aside some hefty savings every month and that Bunny's freelance is all going to be gravy. I already had a suspicion that we were doing well, but the hard confirmation of that is nice.

I can has more boots?

I've got money on my mind, again, today. Don't I always? I finally have my hands on some hard data about our expenses and income over the course of the a month and I'll be spending part of the weekend plugging away at numbers and coming up with a budget to present to Bunny for us.

The other reason I've got money on the mind is all the snow on the ground lately. We had our first official snow squalls the other week and the roads and sidewalks are covered in several inches of white dust lately. The amount of snow we've got in the yard is unreal after half a decade of winters in Toronto and the Niagara region. With all this snow it's become apparent that I need more winter boots. Well, they're more of a want than a need, because I do have boots that will suffice for the winter.

I want nice winter boots though. Knee high leather riding style boots, well lined and waterproof. Something that's somewhat stylish while also being practical. Something like this or this (I have a Naturalizer outlet nearby, so at least I can get similar styles on the cheap). Boots that I can wear on the way to work and still not despise keeping on my feet once I arrive.

So I'm saving my pennies. Trying to keep my "fun money" purchases lower than usual so that I can carry over twenty or thirty dollars each paycheque and afford boots in a month or so. Part of the problem is of course that we haven't entirely figured out where new clothes fit in our budget right now - I've always taken that out of my own spending money, which has never been the case for Bunny, so we'll see how we figure that. As I said though, these boots are more wants than needs, so even if clothes come out of some other budget catagory this is a fun money splurge.

I don't mind spending big chunks of my fun money on splurge clothing items. I've done it before, from the first Coach purse that I bought after lusting over for a year to the latest boots and the orange leather jacket. Getting the payoff of something that I will want to wear for years is pretty awesome after saving for it. I love how it feels to buy something after wanting it for so long and saving for it. I enjoy the purchase, and the item, more for the wait. It also makes me determined to spend the money on something of a quality that I know will last - if I'm turning down fancy coffees and more books and lunch out for these things I want to enjoy them for years.

Maybe I have a little bit of a boots obsession, but I'm ok with that. I can't get away with sundresses in the winter so I need something to get excited about.

even when you have it, it feels like there's never enough

The whole married budget thing is still a little up in the air. Bunny and I both have our individual data from October, but I've yet to get a hold of his cashflow information and start combining all the information and really working on the data. I'm lazy about it. I'm also a little scared. Even without putting the data together fully with what I do know I'm sure we're doing alright. Money's a big worry for me, and it always will be.

Do we have enough? Can we afford the things we want and need? Do we have a big enough emergency fund? Are we spending too much on stupid things? Will we ever have decent retirement funds and be able to afford a house? Why was I so happy to let Bunny quit the lucrative career before we took advantage of another year or two of that salary to put towards a home? (The answer to that last question of course is for both of our sanity and our relationship, and support him in doing something that he loves as a career.)

In the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty sure October was a good month. Yes, we had to pay for the root canal and that was painful. Yes, Bunny took more than a few sick days this month. Luckily we found some significant cash, in actual bills, that we had quite literally forgotten about and were able to use towards that expense. Honestly when we can forget about a few hundred dollars and not be stressed about it? We can't be doing that badly. On top of that, we were able to pay all our bills including a couple of large and irregulars that we usually don't see, throw some extra money towards the ever decreasing debt and put some significant cash in savings. All of that, and we didn't even have any freelance hours this month. That's a big deal mostly because Bunny's freelance hours are where we're able to get the biggest payout per hour and it's money that goes straight to our long term savings funds, so it's pure gravy. On top of that I had some nice paycheque surprises myself, including an extra fifty bucks on one cheque, a sweet little performance bonus in the form of a gift card (new shoes, here I come! - or not) and the news that I'll be getting somewhat of a raise next cheque which is always a great thing.

We're doing alright. We have money in the bank. We can afford everything we want or need. We could afford to live on our own if that was our priority right now, and that's a priority that's always under review. We can afford to help my mom out with some around the house things as they come up, and we intend to. Still our financial goals feel a million miles away. Buying a house? Doing so with a big enough down payment that we have an affordable mortgage? That feels almost impossible. Going to Spain in a year or two feels more doable, but that expense would seriously cut into the house fund. Even though my student loans are ever shrinking, it still feels like I'll never get out of debt.

What's particularly ridiculous sometimes is knowing that I'm the one who likes managing the money in this relationship. I'm a little bit better at it, by both of our accounts, although Bunny's pretty good with money himself. For all that I worry, always, I love coming up with budgets and paying the bills and watching the savings go up and the debt go down. It's my thing. It's such a stressful thing.

How do you feel about managing money? Do you enjoy it? Is it stressful? A combination of both?

married money

As I've already mentioned, I don't really feel like my relationship with Bunny has changed much, other than just being altogether more awesome. So many things are exactly the same. Still, some things do have to shift slightly and coalesce into a more unified front.

One of those things? Our finances. And honestly, it's a strange one. Bunny and I have always been very clear on the general definition of how we'd handle our money when we got married, and we have pretty clear guidelines. What we knew going into the wedding was this:

• We're of the "one pot" completely joint money philosophy
• We both want and need the freedom of personal spending money, and so we will both get monthly spending allowances
• I will be nominally in charge of our money (balancing the budget and checkbook, handing out both of our allowances, tracking and paying the bills) but Bunny is to have an absolutely equal voice in how we manage our money and is to be kept 100% in the loop of our financial status
• This means we'll probably have monthly budget meetings to review where we stand and make sure I've updated Bunny on what's gone on in a clear form (not just "oh, we spent too much on groceries" in passing)
• We both have large financial expenses (my student loans, Bunny's final apprenticeship classes upcoming, Bunny's work supplies which can get super expensive but are tax deductible) that we will work at together

Going into marriage we were both very in the know about each other's finances. He knows what my debts and savings are, I know what his assets and credit cards look like, we both know how much the other makes on any given paycheck and we made decisions about how our expenses worked as a team. Still, our bank accounts have been (and at this point still are) completely separate.

Those accounts? They won't be merged until mid November at the earliest, because we're doing our damnedest to make sure we have a solid picture of our finances before we get going on this. So October is Track Our Spending Month. We're each jotting down every purchase we make, even if it's only bus fare or a couple dollars on coffee. We'll keep track of the cash flow and at the end of the month I'll play with the numbers and, and put together a budget to suggest to Bunny. He'll take a look at things, see how he feels and if there are any tweaks he'd like to make, things I'd forgotten, or inequalities that I'd missed and then we'll update it until we reach something we both feel good about.

We've done this before, though less intensely, when Bunny quit the design firm to go back to school. What we hadn't done that time is completely merge the money. So it's just a step past from what we've already done with our finances. But it's still different.

Even ahead of that, though, I can already tell that on an emotional level how I approach our finances has changed. What gives? Well, Bunny's been in some significant tooth pain for about a month now and I finally got him to go see the dentist. Turns out the poor man needs a two-part root canal. Which is clearly not so cheap and we will be saying goodbye to almost a thousand dollars at the end of the month in consideration for his health.

Why is Bunny getting a root canal a big deal? Because I pushed him into it a little bit, despite his financial concerns. He was going on about the fact that "he can't afford it" and doesn't have the money and wanted to wait. My response?

"We have X thousand dollars in emergency savings. You needing a root canal is an emergency. We'll take the money out of the fund and pay ourselves back. Your health is important."

Those emergency savings? They're technically in "my" bank account. This is literally the equivalent of my life's savings, the money that I have scrimped and scrounged for since having adult jobs and responsibilities. A year ago, in this situation? I would have without hesitation offered the money to Bunny for his health, no strings attached. What I wouldn't have done is framed it as his money. It feels amazing though, that my financial care and planning has enabled us (me?) to take care of Bunny's needs.

It feels a little odd, because I definitely do have a sneaky emotional attachment to those savings as "my money", but I also completely see it as our money as well. It's an interesting contrast inside me that I'm still working out. Clearly there is a shift, and it's certainly significant, but it's also subtle. I'm pretty emotional about money: having it makes me feel good, not having it makes me feel pretty crappy. So this joint money thing? May be a bit of an emotional ride.

money woes

This unemployment thing? Apparently it's getting to me a little bit more than I though. Mostly the money part. My take home from EI isn't all that different when I was working. Obviously it's way lower as a gross number, but the taxes are lower and I wasn't making much more than minimum in my last position anyway. Essentially, it covers my necessities for the most part, but to allow myself to buy the occasional book so I don't feel deprived and freak out or to buy a gift I do have to dig into savings a little bit.

So I stress about the dollars and sense. I know Bunny's got good money coming in on his side from the freelance (and he has so much work offered he is turning stuff down) and I know that we as a family unit are solvent. But me, myself? I'm in the red.

It's hard not to have any spare money to squirrel away. To be paying off my student loans, but only the minimums. To have the balance in my bank account creep slowly down instead of up. (Actually, maybe that's not true. I have almost the same bank balance now that I had in January, within a hundred dollars. Maybe I need to take a minute to appreciate that.) It's hard to feel dependent on Bunny, financially. Even when I am paying my share of the bills.

It's also really hard to watch Bunny spend money comfortably. He tends to make bigger "impulse" purchases than I do. Then again, very rarely are his big impulse purchases completely impulsive. He might wake up one day ready to spend $500 on item X, but he's been thinking about item X and the budget for it for months.

So, this week has been hard. In the course of seven days Bunny has purchased: a new AV receiver (his old one broke months ago and he made the decision to wait until he was working full time to replace it), his new desk and lamp (necessities, in my mind) and computer speakers.

It stressed me out more than it had any right to. I felt uncomfortable, and I was trying to both be supportive of his decisions and also make it clear where some of these purchases would require more discussion and compromise in the future, when our money is completely merged. I listened to his logic in deciding between different options and gave an opinion when asked. He made good decisions, I think. He weighed all the options, and decided on options that would be cost effective, make him happy long term and functional.

That all being the case, it seems completely uncool that he bought me a birthday present and I freaked out. It's this gorgeous vintage LBD-esque cocktail dress, and I love it and it was reasonably priced. Leaving the store, though, all I could think was please take this back and I feel bad about you buying this for me and I don't need it and I don't need you to buy me things and I want to throw up because I feel needy and greedy and controlling and would you stop spending so much f*cking money it f*cking stresses me out.

So poor Bunny was walking back to the truck with me after having bought me a present, and instead of having a happy, cheerful fiance gushing about thank yous, he had a fiance who was moody, sullen and didn't want to kiss him. After about two minutes of this I told him what was on my mind. Because I was acting downright ungrateful, and that's not cool. So we talked for a minute, and I made sure he knew that hey, I like this dress a lot and thank you for it, but I'm feeling a little bit stressed about money right now and it's really affecting my mood and it doesn't mean that I don't totally appreciate the present. Sometimes when I can't afford things for myself I have the hardest time accepting the generousity of others. I don't like asking for help.

Later, we talked a little more. I made sure I articulated that while I was stressed about the financial decisions I didn't think they were bad, it was just too much big ticket impulse purchases for me to handle at once. I can`t handle a grocery bill that`s too big, how`m I supposed to handle a week with $700 of impulse buys? Then today we went to Sears so I could pick up a shower gift for his sister and that was a disaster and a half.

This is me being emotional about money. I do need to recognize that. Practically speaking, I might not be able to contribute to my savings goals right now, but I am still making positive contributions to my net worth with debt repayments and my current budget. My savings have stayed very stable, considering I'm not bringing in a proper income.

But I am stressed. I feel constricted in my ability to make financial decision that make me happy. I'm frustrated that Bunny has considerably more financial freedom than I do at the moment. (We'll be re-examining how we split up our household expenses at the end of May, when he's had a full month working full time. We usually try to keep things proportional, and right now with him transitioning from school to work they aren't. So we'll figure that bit out.) I'm frustrated that I feel like I can't make the splurgest that I'd like to make. I'm frustrated that I feel like I'm not contributing to our household, even though I am. It's just in non-work-type ways.

Money Lessons from my Mother

I don't think it's too unreasonable to suggest that most children first learn about money at home, from their parents. Certainly that was the case for me. I knew money was something that parents had, and sometimes gave me (yay allowance!), and exchanged for things.

When my parents divorced, I learned how the division of assets (money, and things that were valuable in a monetary sense) played into the whole process. I learned about a lot of the financial decisions my parents had made before the divorce, and I learned that a lot of those decisions did not reflect my mom's values.

Around that time I also learned that spending money feels like happiness. My mom dealt with her pain about the divorce process through a few things and one of them was spending money. Buying crystal balls and collectible swarozski figurines. New clothes and computers and televisions. Doubling the Christmas budget (because spending for other people is as satisfying as spending for yourself). The same holds true for me, a little bit. When I'm sad, buying things gives me a pick me up. I like things. I like spending money. In the moment, it can even feel like buying happiness.

But you can't buy that.

When I headed to university and money wasn't there, I learned that creating plans for how I would reach my goals was a pretty good idea. Talking with my mom, I discovered that I really had no idea how much my mom struggled with money and how much time she spent stressing about cashflow.

My mother is not exactly great with her money. I had no clue about that, though. There was always food in the fridge, and all of our needs (and many of our wants) were taken care of. There were no harrassing collections calls, and my mom handled her own taxes. I'd always assumed that my mom was a money whiz. Why? Because she always had money, and we were in no way deprived. My mom appeared to be in control of her money. What I didn't know about then were the piles of credit card debt, the credit score that couldn't carry a car loan, the retirement funds that weren't quite so funded, the nights spent worrying about if the money was going to be there when she needed it.

My mom was not a financial beacon of hope.

As an adult she's taught me more about money and money management than almost anyone I can think of. She's sat me down and gone through her budget line by line, so I can see what's going on, what expenses I might one day need to expect. We've discussed savings and strategies and smart purchases. My mom is a coupon queen and a bargain shopper extraordinaire. We've talked about smart money decisions, and why to make them.

The other week, my dog got hurt very badly and we had to make the decision to put her down. That was a million and one discussions with the vet, decisions to make that would have a huge impact, for Cheyenne's well-being and quality of life, for our own emotional states, and financially. Neither of us had budgeted for emergency surgery or a thousand tests. (Although I kind of had, that's the whole purpose of my emergency fund.)

Sitting there, at one point while my mom was looking at quotes for various treatment options and tests and trying to decide where do we go from here, I could see she was so overwhelmed. Between being how sudden everything was, being emotionally devastated and looking at big numbers for things that probably wouldn't even fix things, we were both in shock a little bit. After a few minutes I looked at my mom.

"Mom, let's put the quotes away. The money shouldn't be part of our decision. It's just money. It comes and goes, sometimes you have it and sometimes you don't. It doesn't matter right now."

We put the quotes away and decided with our hearts. That's the only way you can make a decision like that, or at least for me it was.

Money doesn't buy happiness. It takes a lot of work to manage money well, and sometimes a lot of sacrifice of our desires. Money can buy things, and plane tickets and trips - but it doesn't give you love, or experiences, or emotion.

When it coems to a lot of things, I'm a scrimper and a saver. But when it comes to life, death and taking care of the people I love? In those moemnts, money is just a tool. It's numbers in a bank account, and even when I don't have it I won't let it stand in the way of the things that are important. Money isn't one of them.

That is what my mother taught me about money.

How about you? What did your family teach you about money?

thank you, Atlas

So, not to long ago, Bunny and I got our whackload of documents together, trekked out on the TTC and headed to the accountant. It's that time of year again.

Honestly, taxes and tax refunds almost seemed like a joke to me this year. I had the easiest taxes ever, with only one possible deduction. But it's a bit of a crazy tax year for Bunny. In general, it's been a crazy year for Bunny, actually. What with the quitting-his-job, going back to school, starting up on the freelance work, buying computers for the freelance and school, a half year of RRSP contributions, buying tools for the new career, setting up a "home office" upstairs .... and that's JUST work and school related.

So yeah, he's had a big year in a way that makes the taxes complicated. What with overpayments, the easy deductions/tax credits, and figuring out what ELSE we can deduct since he works from home. One of the many reasons that we choose to pay an accountant to do this for us.

Now, taxes are done, and that's a Very Good Thing. In and of itself, but also for other reasons. Big reasons.

We're-getting-married type of reasons.

I haven't talked too much about the wedding, lately. All along, we've been planning on having an affordable wedding, for us. Nothing excessively spendy, and we've essentially eliminated about a million things that we don't care about. Cake? Nope. Colours? Nope. Decor? I love the designer whose restaurant we're getting married in, so why would I change anything? Favours? Only if I feel like baking in the weeks leading up to the wedding, or decide to knit a million scarves.

Even so, lately our financial dynamic has made it really hard to think too much about the wedding. Yes, there are savings. Yes, there is freelancing money and EI deposits. Yes, I can budget like nobody's business. Yes, we can cut back on photography and open bars and this that and the other. Yes, I can wear a second-hand dress proudly. No, we don't need all the bells and whistles.

I'd be lying, though, if I said it's not scary trying to plan a wedding when you have an unemployed bride and the groom is in school and isn't expecting to be making the big bucks directly out of school. I see the dwindling balance of my bank account every month, followed by a cold knot of dread in the pit of my stomach. We say, "Oh, we should put down that deposit" and then don't act. Not because we don't want to, but because we're scared that the money won't be there. Or that we'll have spent a couple grand on a wedding that we're scared we might need for rent, or groceries in a few months.

A lot of things changed the other day, after taxes. Getting married is our big investment of the next year, and we do want a wedding to celebrate that fact. Going in, we knew that we would be getting some kind of refund, we just weren't entirely sure to what extent. We knew that there would be numbers that made us happy, and that it would make it easier for me to say No and for Bunny to not stress about What Happens After School.

If we wanted to put the whole of our tax refund towards the wedding, it would be practically paid for. As it is, we are not. We may choose to roll some back into RRSPs, Bunny's wardrobe is in a sorry state that we need to address, we have planned for an expensive dinner in a month and probably another one in June. There are some courses we are both interested in taking, individually and separately.

But! Our tax refund money will essentially pay for half of the wedding. Half. That means that I only need to come up with half as much money as I thought I would, that Bunny has fewer financial worries while he starts his new career. That means that when my brain starts to think of one or two little splurges I don't have to panic and say NO! NO! NO! without thinking them through.

I means we can talk about doing a DIY photobooth if we want, or consider a guestbook. We can buy Bunny a whole suit, if we decide he needs one. We can add those touches that we don't need but would certainly love.

Bunny can even have his flowers, damnit.

grocery habits

Over the years, as my relationship with Bunny progressed from seeing each other on weekends as we lived in separate cities, to spending most of our time together, to living together, our grocery and eating habits have evolved a little bit, to revolve around joint preferences. I have a feeling that to some extent this is fairly standard. Of course, through that we've also had several changes in circumstance: Bunny leaving his job to go back to school, me being unemployed and the financial consequences in both our grocery shopping habits have changed quite a bit.

In the begining, for instance, we would shop mostly for "meals" - elaborate plans we would make to impress each other, but without the long term planning to keep a fridge stocked. Over time, we began to slowly stock up on joint staples: soups, peanut butter, tofu, cheese, vegetables etc.

When we first lived together, we would grocery shop at the Leslieville Loblaws, and shop with our eyes, being creative about things. What vegetables looked good? What proteins and starches were appealing. Was there anything frozen we wanted? How about snacks? Treats? We would still shop for "meals", and as those got somewhat rarer, we would go to fancy butcher shops and vegetable stands. We looked to get things on sale, but only to stock up on favourites, never to just choose the best price. We would eat out, or order in as we pleased because the money was there.

Around the time Bunny started to think about going back to school, we had to re-evaluate. Our grocery budget needed to get more under control, because our division of expenses and available income pool were about to shrink. We were giving up the car, so we couldn't get to our old grocery store, but there were several grocery stores (less expensive ones) within walking distance. We wanted to plan our menu more closely, take more advantage of sales and coupons than we already did, trim the excess from our grocery budget.

This meant a lot of changes. Having a solid number that we could spend in our heads. Having an outline of what we were going to eat, and when. A list of what we needed, compared against what we have. Buying meat in bulk at a discount, and freezing the excess. Working more grains and legumes into our diet.

Recently, this has also meant re-evaluating how we consume some things. We've never gone through much more than a litre of milk, if that, a week; recently, though that has changed. I'm home, and drink lattes every morning. Bunny likes to have milk to drink and with cereal sometimes, and I use it a lot in my baking. We've started going through two litres a week. So, this week, we decided to buy a 4 litre bag for, get this, the same price as a litre carton.

Another change was that I planned my menu this week around the flyer. 10lb bags of potatoes for $2.49, 3ilbs of carrots for $1.49, a brick of cheese for $4.99. Chicken was on sale, so we picked some up. We picked up cauliflower (also on sale) for potato cauliflower curry, parsnips to do a dish with the carrots, peppers to turn into a stir fry with both the carrots and some items we already had in the fridge. The menu was built around the prices.

We`re still limited, of course, by what our arms can carry home but shopping and planning around the flyer has been a great plan for now.

What changes have you made to your grocery habits that have saved you money in the past? Bunny and I are always looking for hints.

budget smudget

I'm a little bit peeved with myself right now, financially. Not that I've done anything wrong, per se, but I'm frustrated with what I have not been doing.

A little history for you: I was terrible with money in high school. I worked like crazy, but I didn't save. I viewed cash as expendable. Now, money does not control me, and it's something that can be replaced, but to have control of your own money and to have money available for me whenever I need it is important. In high school, though, I had no concept of control or budgeting. Whatever money I have, was available for spending - and in fact would be spent.

University was a little bit better. I had a semblance of a budget, because the money had to stretch for the school year, but I didn't truly understand the concept of budgeting and the importance of saving. I funded my education mostly through private bank loans, and because I hadn't worked for the money, I had no attachment to it. If I wanted to buy a dress, or a book, or new shoes, the only question was "do I have the money available?" It didn't matter that it wasn't really my money, just that it was there to be used. I missed payments, avoided collection calls, and was just generally stupid with my money.

After I graduated, I quickly decided that I didn't want the black cloud of student debt hanging over my head for the next ten to fifteen years. So, I learned how to budget. I learned that just because money is available doesn't mean that I should spend it. I started aggressively paying back debt, I started building an emergency fund, I created a budget that I can understand and live with. That isn't so strict that I can't stick to it, and can be flexible when I need it to be.

The past month or two, though, I have been avoiding my budget. I've been sticking to it, but avoiding looking at it or thinking about it. This all started when Bunny and I got engaged, and I avoided sitting down and making a super formal budget (which I still have to do. Dang it!)

I haven't looked at my budget, really, since then. I mean I've looked, but I haven't truly reviewed the budget and adjusted it too much, which is unfortunate. I really do need to start doing that more. Especially given that my financial situation has changed, and it's time to really look at how to make the funds that Bunny and I have available to us last. I'm not quite sure why I'm avoiding it, because at the end of the day knowing how my financial situation stands, and where it's taking me, is very satisfying.

cash, money, plastic, oh my

So something I haven't talked about a lot on here is money, which is rather surprising. I am a money person, I am a budgeter and a re-budgeter and all things. My first blog I ever followed was a personal finance blog (Get Rich Slowly, which I still love) and I tend to have lofty financial goals.

I like to be in control of my money, instead of my money being in control of me.

I don't make a whole ton of money, and Toronto isn't exactly a cheap place to live (within Canada at least). With Bunny back in school and only working freelance a few hours a week, things are tighter than the have been before. We rearranged our budget load to accommodate for that, and it puts a lot more financial pressure on me.

Here's the thing, though. I pay back my student loans somewhat aggressively, although currently with the wedding coming up and Bunny in school, I have somewhat scaled back on that. I put money aside into savings with every paycheque. I give myself a reasonable allowance out of what is leftover after all the necessities are paid for. Sometimes if something special comes up I'll adjust my budget for the month and swing things around to better allow for different treats. Not often, but sometimes.

Do I wish I had more money? Heck and yes. I'd love to make enough to not have to worry or think about the basic expenses, to be able to make more splurges. I'd love to have a membership to a yoga studio, and take pottery classes and have a personal trainer and buy millions of books and purses and shoes and coats. I'd love for Bunny and I to each have our own laptops, and to get an iPhone and have a downpayment for a house and be able to afford to go to Spain for the honeymoon, instead of just an all-inclusive Carribean vacation (which is a heck of a lot of fun and very needed, but not the sort of travel that either Bunny or I crave.) I want to be able to go back and get as many more degrees as I want (masters and MBAs and additional undergrads - I would like to be a full time student), and take a year off to travel the world. Own a sailboat and spend my summers on the seas. Have a house with a little backyard and a garden, have more real art on my walls, be able to buy the more expensive furniture that's very much to Bunny and my tastes than general Leons and the Brick stuff that we have. It'd be awesome to have the designer wedding dress, and have full day photography coverage at our wedding, have orchids and peonies and all sorts of beautiful flowers exploding everywhere.

There are a million things I would like to have that all cost money. The thing is, that list up there, none of them are needs. I want all those things, or they are things that Bunny and I want together. At the end of the day, though, Bunny and I can afford everything that we need (shelter, food, transportation to and from work/school, a semblance of a social life) and quite a few of our wants. We can afford to have a wedding that fits very well with what we want. We can afford to live in a house that has a few extras. I can afford to buy the occasional coat, or purse or pair of boots. It was no big deal for us to replace Bunny's work computer last week when things kind of exploded.

Bunny was able to quit his high paying professional job and go back to school for a career that he loves, without us taking on any additional debt, or dipping into his retirement savings.

We have everything that we need, and we are able to prioritize our wants to have all the most important of them. We don't have everything but we do have enough.

on small weddings

I am having a small wedding.

Before I say anything else I would like to note:

• A small wedding was my first choice
• This was not a budget based decision
• By small I don't mean 50, 60, 80 or even 100 people (all numbers I have heard described as "small")
• Bunny and I are inviting less than 30 people

So, now that I've made my sweeping statements, lets talk.

What does having a small wedding mean to me? It means that I am having only our very closest friends (the people who we would consider rescheduling the date to have them there) and immediate family (or surrogates thereof). It means that I will get to spend quality time with each of my guests, as opposed to spending my night going from guest to guest and table to table and only getting to spend 5 or 10 minutes with each person. It is important to me that I get to connect with the people I invite to be with me in a more special way.

The idea of a large wedding, even the sort of 50-80 person wedding that most people think of as small but I consider large, does not seem particularly fun to me. It doesn't feel particularly genuine to me. With the idea of a bigger wedding, in my head it just doesn't make sense to expend all sorts of effort and money to invite them to a party but not be able to spend quality time with most of my guests. That's really what this comes down to. I would rather really get to connect and enjoy my time with a smaller number of people than get a blur of a million faces but not actually have the time to catch up and take my time and enjoy. I want something so much more relaxed than what I feel like a big wedding would be.

The guest list was decided upon before Bunny and I even got engaged, and has not been influenced by a budget. Is it a guest list we can afford? Absolutely. Was it chosen based on us feeling comfortable paying for it? Not in the slightest. We have not finalized our budget yet - not the total number, nor the nitty details of how it breaks down. We know roughly what we will be paying for venues & food & alcohol with the meal, but not a total, and we haven't dealt with the details like invitations and favours and all that.

However, we have a rough range in our head. It's a couple thousand dollars either way, and all I will say is that the number is lower than 10,000. I have friends in the area with very similar budgets who are throwing weddings three and four times the size of mine. Going small has allowed me to go a little more all out on certain things - like food. The cost of dinner (including wine parents) that Bunny and I are paying is similar to what a friend is paying for a dinner for 80. Thing is, that's just not my style. Because we have a smaller guest list we are able to splurge a little more and have a meal at a high class restaurant and be personally taken care of by a 5 star chef.

Is that the reason why we chose to have a small wedding? No. But having a small wedding has allowed us to do this, which we are happy to. If we couldn't do the fancy dinner we would be ok with that - but it is a nice bonus that the guest list we want has allowed us to have it.

One thing a lot of our friends can't wrap their heads around is the lack of extended family at our wedding. We are inviting parents, siblings, Bunny's niece and a cousin of mine who did a very big favour for me that allowed me to attend university. Because Bunny's family is much bigger than mine, we are also inviting my mother's two best friends  - who are somewhat surrogate parents to me. They are who I consider my mom's partners to be - she has had 1 boyfriend (who I never met) in the 13 years since she has been divorced - and I would like to honour the people who have stepped in to take over pseudo-parental roles, and also give my mom some people who are there just for her. (Plus, it helps balance an otherwise unbalanced guest list).

We are not having our grandparents, aunts and uncles, or most cousins. These are the people who, for our friends, make up the bulk of their wedding guest lists. For Bunny and I, it doesn't make sense. He sees his extended family at a picnic in the summer, and at a New Years Brunch (on his mom's side), and while he sees more of his father's (smaller) side of the family, they are not close. They don't just pick up the phone and say "hey what's up". He genuinely isn't concerned about whether he has them there.

As for my family? Well, I see my mom's side (grandma, aunt & the cousin we are inviting) once a year for two days at Christmas. My grandma and aunt are both schizophrenic, and would require I assign a designated "babysitter" to take care of them for the wedding. What it comes down to, though, is just that we are not close. Our lives don't connect, we don't talk nor really spend significant amount of time together.

The paternal side of my family is an even messier story. My parents' divorce essentially ripped apart every single relationship I had ever had there, back when I was thirteen. Since then, I have seen my grandparents and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins less than a dozen times. Every conversation I have had with my Nanna since then has ended with her going out of her way to make me feel like a bad person. She refuses to respect the fact that I am an adult capable of making my own decisions, and thinks I am a terrible person for asserting my right to have people who have proven themselves to be a real, physical danger to me out of my life.

Not exactly people you want celebrating the biggest day of your life with you.

The people we want to celebrate are the closest people in our lives. The people who aer there for us through the difficult moments, and who love us no matter what. They are the people who put smiles on our faces when we hear their names, who we love the most.

Are we splurging on our small wedding? Yes. But that's ok. We are having the wedding we want.

it's all about the money, honey

So , people who know me well know that I'm a bit of a budget freak. I like playing with numbers in spreadsheets and trying to see what I can make them do. I like seeing how I can make my student debt go away, how I'm going to save for that next fancy purse, or put away money for boudoir photography or whatever it may be.

It may then surprise you to know that I have not yet made a wedding budget. It's worse than that, actually. I have not practically sat down and worked the wedding into my budget.

I have an idea of what I'm comforable spending. I'm not currently going to put a number on here, but it's between 5-10K, so not a heck of a lot, but it's not small. If I wanted to, I could pay out of pocket for the entire affair tomorrow, so I don't even technically have to save specifically for it. Except for the fact that I totally do because a wedding is not a reason to touch the emergency fund.

I'm not sure what I'm dragging my feet about, really. Putting it off is just stupid, frankly - it doesn't help me in the long run.

I think seeing all the numbers on paper is scary. Part of me can't wait to do it - because when you have the budget in place it's really real in a way that is very meaningful to me. It becomes not just something I am talking about, but a plan that I am putting in to action.

Part of it is that I'm not sure how I feel about spending thousands of dollars on a wedding. I mean, really? One day? Granted, it is one of the most momentous days of my life, and I only plan on getting married the once. But it's a lot of money for one day. Which is part of why professional photography is so important - I want a physical reminder that lasts to come out of it. I want to be able to look back and relive this.

At the end of the day, we have also decided that our venue/food really dictate the rest of the budget. We are set on one specific venue - and it's not cheap. Not that it's ridiculous, but we are putting a real chunk of money down on quality food because that matters to us. The fact that we want a small-ish wedding also makes that more feasible.

I guess I need to get cracking, eh?