Monday, January 21, 2013

hobbies: separate and together

Bunny and I don't share a lot of hobbies. Oh, he likes to cook, but not as much as I do and he's not into baking. We both like to read, but neither of us is a fan of reading out loud. So when you put together my crafting and baking against his love of combustion engines, tiny models and video games you'd think we spend a lot of time doing things apart from each other.

Over the years one thing we've gotten really good at is doing our separate things together. I'll blog or sew while he's playing video games, or watch tv in the same room that he's working on the engine in. (He once had an engine torn to bits all throughout our dining room. Apparently I won brownie points with all his mechanic friends for this.)

Time spent together is important to us. We work hours that aren't always compatible with each other, and our days off don't usually line up (although my time off doesn't really line up with anyone's, which makes social outings frustrating to schedule). So when we only have a couple hours in the morning and night together it's important to make them count, even if we don't feel like doing the same things.

Because of that we've had to work on finding ways to each do our own thing in the same space. If he's sitting at the table working on a model and I'm sitting in the lazy chair sewing, it gives us the chance to talk and laugh and plan or just enjoy each other's presence. When we're doing research or shopping for our hobbies we try to do it together and try to engage in each other's interests even if they bore us to tears. I used to go to the archery club with him and read and cheer him on when he was competing or practicing. We both also put a lot of thought into ways to encourage each other's hobbies, as reflected in our Christmas gifts to each other this year.

We do share interests, but the bulk of the things we want to be doing after a long day or week are very different and we've yet to find a hobby we equally enjoy. It's been important for our relationship that we find a strong way to each pursue our own interests and do it in a way that we still get to spend time together.

If you're in a relationship, do your interests and hobbies line up? If not, what do you do to support each other's interests and still spend quality time together on a regular basis?


  1. The vision of you sewing while he works on models is the sweetest thing!! I really like being in the same room with kamel while we do our own thing. But we also have some of the same issues with differing hobbies. Sometimes I really want to hang out with him and he just wants to play video games. I think it is also a work in process thing for kamel about not being a bachelor anymore. In the beginning of our living together time and engagement he had a really difficult time with the concept that we now shared a space and home and it couldn't be what he wanted 24/7.

    Figuring out how to let each other do our own thing and not feel like we wasted the time we have being in each other's company is still something we are figuring out.

    1. I think the longer someone's had the bachelor lifestyle going on the harder the adjustment is. Bunny was awful at making physical space for me, but I've been lucky in the personal time respect.

      Video games can be the worst black hole time suck, and they're the hobby of Bunny's that I'm generally the least tolerant of. Some games are great cause I can kind of play along with him (ie, boss him around) but when it gets to Call of Duty and Forza and such there's not so much the chance to talk and enjoy each other and is not really quality time.