Friday, April 13, 2012

Wedding Ambivalence, and Musings

I'm getting married next fall.

That is one of the most exciting statement I've ever made. I couldn't be happier to be marrying Bunny. I'm soooo excited for the life we've started together to be formally recognized and to officially be husband and wife.

The wedding that Bunny and I are so lacksadaisically planning is beautiful, simple and calm. Full of details that are meaningful to us: a friend performing the ceremony, in a chapel that Bunny worked on at the old design firm. Traditional vows, because we (well, I) like the symbolism of tying ourselves to generations of couples who've been married before us. It's like wrapping our union in some of the magic of the institution. The reception at a restaurant we love, owned by friends. Flowers from one of Bunny's friends shops. A hand-me-down dress given with love (and it's oh-my-god gorgeous). Jewellery my mother is making for me, hair and makeup done by a close family friend. Basically any detail we are making is something we really care about.

Time to talk and laugh and dance. Keeping the party small enough that we can casually hang out and spend time with everyone, share the magic. Disposable cameras everywhere, so that we get a million candid photos. Fun, laid back and surrounded by love. That's the vibe we're going for.

It's pretty perfect, and it fits Bunny and I to a tee.

Except there is still a part of me that wants to just run to the courthouse and get married, tomorrow. Just us. It's a tugging desire, and I'm quite honestly on the fence between the two options. I could go either way. I've never fussed much about having a wedding, and I'd really be just as happy with an elopement.

Here's the thing, even though I'd be thrilled with an elopement, we won't do it. There are a lot of very special reasons why Bunny and I have decided to have an actual wedding. We've looked at the big picture, and for us nothing short of throwing a party will satisfy us. It's important to us for a lot of reasons to have the wedding.

Sometimes we (well, especially me) struggle with it. We are not fancy party people. We're laid back homebodies who love our friends but adore being on our own, just the two of us. I'm a courthouse person, and Bunny's from a courthouse type family. (His parents' wedding consisted of a courthouse and then a bunch of friends at McDonald's. Sweeeeeet.) There's a big pull for us to do the courthouse thing.

Fact is, we have reasons why having a wedding is important. A lot of reasons, actually. Reasons that have all come from places of love. There are parts of the wedding I could not be more excited for. So we're having a wedding. Happily. Just not without second thoughts.

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