Friday, June 22, 2012

life, and weddings

So perhaps I've mentioned the fact that my life is currently a little bit upside down? That everything I have planned for my life is in the midst of changing? Deaths. Moving. New job for Bunny. My mother's basement.

Well, with all those changes there's one more big one. The wedding. Oh the wedding. This is a bit of a headache and a half for me. Because the wedding we had planned? The beautiful, gorgeous wedding that Bunny and I were in love with but hadn't quite put money down on yet? It's in the trash. Our wedding is not going to happen that way.

First let me say that as sad as that makes me, I do completely support the idea. Bunny and I were always a little hesitant about the money aspect. We can manage the heck out of our money, but we just don't want to spend that much right now, simply put. He doesn't want to spend that much. I think a lot of it (at least from where I stand) is the fact that if we only invite twenty people to celebrate with us, the absence of his father is just going to be inescapable. It's inescapable however we do it, but we don't want it to take so much emotional space that day that it overwhelms everything else. And with our original wedding plans, it might well do that.

So, Bunny has planned us another wedding. Many details still to be worked out. It looks something like this: let's go to the courthouse, have a kickass day getting married, get photos taken at Walmart (cause how ridiculous and awesome would that be?), and if immediate family wants to be there they can, we'll have a couple of drinks on a patio somewhere with them and then ditch everyone and go have a snazzy dinner and stay in a fancy hotel for a night or two. (But not the Hazelton, although Bunny wants to, because $400 a night defeats the purpose.)

That day sounds pretty perfect to me. That day? That's my wedding.

Where things get tricky is that there's also going to be, according to Bunny's wishes, a massive backyard party a week or two later. With his family and lots of friends and beer and BBQ food (I am so not into BBQ. Le sigh. I will ask for specific contributions from others to make my taste buds happy. Or just make lots of mac and cheese.)

Here's where I have to admit something to myself. As much as I say that the reason I haven't wanted a big wedding is that my introverted self really won't enjoy it (big events are stressful for me, big events that are at least partly about me even more so) there's another reason that's at least as important. I don't want to have to make a decision about my extended family.

There's no way around the fact that people are going to be hurt. The question is really who? I could just not invite anyone, and that would be the easiest. Except for the fact that I then get to feel awkward and uncomfortable when Bunny's entire (and massive) family is there and I just have my mom, brother and three people from my mom's side. And there are a couple of people who I very specifically do want to invite. I could just pick and choose, but then I know I'm causing trouble for the people who I invite because of a certain family busybody who makes everybody's life slightly miserable. (Which, I should get over.) Then there's the fact that I could invite everyone except for the four people I specifically do not want there. That would also work ... but again, there are drawbacks.

So I have to make that decision.
So that bit is a big pile of frustration. I have some big heavy decisions to make and not a lot of time in which to make them. I'd really wanted to avoid it at all. Oh wells. There will be lots of fun stuff to offset the sucky.

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