Thursday, July 26, 2012

life, and what we don't talk about

There's a lot that we, as a society at large, don't really talk about. Or, if we do talk about, it's with kid gloves on, carefully chosen phrases and avoid actual engaging in the issue. Lately I'm thinking that it's a little isolating, a little lonely.

When the sex part of our relationships is having a downswing, we don't really talk about it. Unless it's in arguments or a strong reaction, we seem to avoid talking about a woman's right to choose (heck, I'm even avoiding the word "abortion" here, for no good reason). People don't, as a rule, talk about fertility issues. Certainly we don't talk about miscarriage. We don't talk about fraught issues with family relationships or broken friendships. Or, how it feels when your dog dies and how you might cry for weeks or months after that. We don't talk about how useless it can feel when someone you love has lost someone they love and there's nothing you can do.

Well, sometimes we talk about those things. Usually in more vague terms, or, even when being specific, avoiding delving too deeply into the emotions of the whole thing. So often I find that when the subjects do finally come up it's after the fact. Once we've made it through the most intense of the emotional storm that accompanies the bare facts.

I'm thinking maybe it's an issue of vulnerability. It's easy to say "I've had that issue, in the past" or "awhile ago, this happened". It's not easy to say "Hey, hold up. I'm in the middle of a shitstorm. And it f*%&ing hurts." Especially when you're seeing the people who are now in the know every day. We don't want to be fragile and broken and vulnerable in front of even our closest friends.

It's hard to say that the our world is falling apart, even if we know things are going to be ok in the end. Even when we're holding it together (if only just).

On my end, we've had a really up and down and all over the place year. There's been some very, very good things going on lately (see: my new job, that I am seriously loving) and some very, very bad things (see: someone I love died and it sucks).  Sometimes I'm swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other, and sometimes I'm torn between the wonderful and the awful that are happening at the same time.

I could use some middle ground. Somewhere from which to gain some perspective. I'm thinking, too, that maybe (just maybe) it's time that everyone start talking more about all these awkward, painful, uncomfortable topics. Except I'm not really all that ready to start, myself, so how can I expect the rest of the world to be?

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